December, 2018 | Gold Coast Doulas

Podcast Episode #56: Traveling Postpartum Doulas

Leave a Comment / Ask The Doulas Podcast, Postpartum / Alyssa Veneklase / night nanny, night nurse, postpartum doulas

Will a postpartum doula travel? Yes, at Gold Coast they do! Today we talk to Kelsey Dean, a Certified Birth and Postpartum Doula, about her experience in California and in Michigan traveling with families as a postpartum doula and what that looks like. You can listen to this complete podcast episode on iTunes or SoundCloud.

Alyssa: Hello, welcome to Ask the Doulas with Gold Coast Doulas. Today we’re talking to Kelsey Dean, one of our newest postpartum doulas, and then you’ve also come on as a birth doula as well. Welcome!

Kelsey: Thank you!

Alyssa: I wanted to talk specifically about your postpartum experience. Can you tell us where you came from and the type of experience you’ve had in California and even in the Detroit area, right?

Kelsey: Yes.

Alyssa: And then specifically I want to ask about this traveling aspect of the postpartum doula role.

Kelsey: I started my doula training in 2016 to be a labor doula and postpartum doula. It was just a full-spectrum course, so from there, I had intended to start midwifery school right after, and I thought I really want to get more experience, and so I started picking up postpartum clients because it’s work that’s easy enough to schedule, and it’s also such a rich transition time that it kind of just called to me more. So I began more so nannying for really small children; that was kind of how I got into the doula community and practicing, and then by referral I started to get young families or families that were planning on having children so we could plan a little further in advance. And then I became a full postpartum doula in 2017, so it was about a year transition between doing nanny work and just getting what I could find. In Sonoma County, I served families as a postpartum doula. A lot of overnight shifts were something that were really popular there because sleep is critical. So I moved to Michigan this past summer, in July of 2018, and I got really, really fortunate to link up with Jill Reiter from the After Baby Lady doula services in southeast Michigan, and she was great and connected me with so many families in that area. The experience ranged from single parents to families with really extended family that’s visiting on and off; a lot of range in socioeconomic status, and that’s been really helpful to see, too, to just have that wide range of what can we do; what are your best resources? And now I’m getting a little bit more into the traveling doula idea, and sometimes that’s day work; sometimes it’s overnight. It totally depends on what the family wants, but I’m happy to talk about that more.

Alyssa: Yeah, what does that look like for a family? How far do you travel and how long?

Kelsey: Totally depends on the doula. For me, because I am pretty easily up and mobile, I am willing to go — I can’t think of anywhere I wouldn’t go. I mean, really, if you’re traveling, the idea is that you’re essentially bringing another person with you that you would account for like a family member, so the family that’s hiring is making sure that person has room and board, is able to access everything that they would be accessing like food and tickets and that sort of thing. So in that sense, in some ways, it’s very easy if you’re a single person to just go because you’re just jumping in to the plan that’s already existing. If it’s someplace that’s a little closer by, sometimes – like when I was with a family up in northern Michigan, it was nice that they made accommodations for me, but they already had a home, and so in that case, it’s more a conversation of what does this look like? If I’d had family up there or something, I really wouldn’t have needed that, but if it were, like, we’re going to Mexico and we need a doula, that’s definitely, you know…

Alyssa: You’d have your own room?

Kelsey: Yes.

Alyssa: And in northern Michigan you stayed in a hotel nearby?

Kelsey: I did, yes, and those are usually flexible things, too. Airbnbs are really affordable, and if they have an extra, you just would get one with one extra room in it or something like that. That’s actually worked out for a couple of doulas that I have been in a collective with in the past, that they just did that house share kind of thing, and then in that time off, usually if they’re working overnight shifts or if doulas are working overnight shifts, then it’s easy enough that they wake up and go to bed around 8:00 AM and then the family gets that nice morning time, and then around nap time, the family gets to all go take a nap and the doula comes back in. So it’s a rotating shift kind of thing. It’s like having another family member. I mean, traveling is already kind of a stressful event, and a lot of the things that you would worry about as a new parent when you’re in your home, like, okay, if I need to go see my doctor, where are they; how long is this going to take; or where can I go find this very specific thing that I need for my own health, like elderberry syrup is really popular now because it’s the middle of winter, but things like that: doulas tend to think about those things, and we want to know that before we go somewhere and it’s just one less thing for the parents or the family to think about over and over and over again. So it’s just like having that extra set of hands that you would need anywhere else.

Alyssa: And what if somebody says, oh, wouldn’t it be cheaper to bring a nanny with me? Like, what would be the difference between hiring a nanny and a postpartum doula to come with you?

Kelsey: I like this topic all the time, traveling or not. Nannies are excellent, and they’re meant to be with you for a long period of time and be with you while your child grows, and that’s wonderful, but they’re not necessarily certified in any education or expertise about your baby. So yes, they might come in like another person that feels very warm and loving, and they feel like another family member and this extension that’s really great, but there might be some really serious cues that they would miss about your newborn because they’re not supposed to know. Whether or not they’ve had kids, they might not have had that experience.

Alyssa: And even cues with the mother, right? Like noticing signs and symptoms, like breastfeeding issues or mental health issues that a postpartum doula is trained in.

Kelsey: Yes, absolutely. And nannies, I think, generally — I mean, I’m thinking about childcare, but in general, nannies really aren’t there for a family in the same way that a doula is. A doula is looking at everyone as a spectrum, as a family, whereas a nanny is really there for the childcare.

Alyssa: I think that’s a common question in general. That’s why I like to ask it, so I like that you like to answer it.

Kelsey: I do! And because I totally get it. I’ve had several of my friends tell me about their nanny experiences with, like, twins that are four weeks old and stuff like that, and they just felt super overwhelmed and totally unprepared, and it’s like, well, yeah, you were.

Alyssa: You haven’t been trained!

Kelsey: Yeah, and a lot of times, the stories are from when my friends, being the nannies or babysitters, they were only, like, 16 or 17, totally unprepared for that kind of circumstance.

Alyssa: That’s kind of like a mother’s helper role at that point. You know, it’s not even — I would have a hard time considered a 16-year-old a nanny. It would be more of a babysitter or a mother’s helper.

Kelsey: Right, yes! If you think of it in village terms, a woman that just had a baby — yes, there are those young women that come in to do some cleaning and make sure that you have fresh clothes and you get time to take a bath, but there’s also the matriarch women, like the women that know what’s right and wrong and how this process goes. You need both. I think doulas, as doulas, we try to cover as much of that spectrum as we can by going through some training and education and experience. And yes, it’s great that you also have the opportunity to have a nanny come in and help in that soft way and maybe make meals and things like that, but it’s just not the whole package.

Alyssa: Yeah, I agree. And a doula — we know that we get into this for a temporary amount of time. Like you said, it’s a whole spectrum. We’ll supporting the whole family, and once the parent or parents feel — you can almost sense that confidence in them when you’re like, okay, it’s time for me to go. And they’re like, well, I don’t want you to go! But it’s like, you’re ready. They’re just not ready for you to leave, and sometimes it has to be gradual. Like, okay, we’ll go from three days a week to two to one, and it’s like this gradual process instead of abruptly ending that relationship. But then it’s a great time for a nanny to step in.

Kelsey: It is. I like the concept that doulas are coming in during a transition time, and we try to be these invisible people that just have everything going on, but then the reality is that we’re not invisible, and it’s a subjective experience, and we’re like, oh, now you have to transition out of us too, like double transition time. But that’s such a good time to connect with mommy groups in the area, or like you said, a nanny. We can make those resources and referrals happen, too.

Alyssa: Well, and that’s the other thing too; we’re connected. Doulas are connected in the community, and like you said, we like to know where, if you’re having an issue about this or that — hey, we know who you should talk to; we know who you should go see. Let me have you call so and so. We know how to make those referrals and connections.

Kelsey: Yeah, we really can ease that transition. And just on the note of nannies, sometimes I know we’ve all found people that were unexpected connections. Like you meet someone that’s a nanny that’s a really good fit for you and your family, and that’s great, and maybe you meet — the first interview that you go on with a doula just doesn’t seem like the right fit, but in the same way, you choose a doctor or a chiropractor or someone like that, and if it’s not the right fit, you still wouldn’t go to a doctor and say, well, I didn’t like that doctor, so I’m just going to see an acupuncturist or a chiropractor or a nurse. If you need a doctor, then that’s who you need, and I think with doulas, it’s very much about finding the right fit. This person is going to be in your house, in your vulnerable space. They’re seeing you at a vulnerable time. It’s so important to get the right fit, and the same thing goes for a nanny, but they’re just not necessarily interchangeable. They don’t replace one another.

Alyssa: Yeah, and I think that’s what’s great about having the team we do is because they’re all wonderful, but they all have different personalities. And I agree; I’m a definite type of personality that wouldn’t want certain traits in a postpartum doula that another mother would be like, no, I need those. So I think you’re right, and meet two or three of them if you have to. If you connect with the first one right away, awesome. Which most of them do because all of our doulas are lovely, but yeah, it’s not like a personal stab to the heart or anything if you don’t get hired. Just maybe it’s a personality thing; personalities just don’t fit.

Kelsey: And at Meet the Doula events where there’s a lot of us, we can feel that, too. As a group of doulas, when a family walks in, you can say, oh, that’s totally a doula family for Kristin; she’s got that one for sure. And it doesn’t mean we don’t like them. I can still totally love a family and want the best for them, but just say that I can totally tell that they’re a match for someone else.

Alyssa: I agree. We do that even with a phone conversation. We can tell. Five minutes of talking to a mom on the phone, and I can be like, I know who you need to talk to. Gina, Julie, Kelsey. You can totally get that vibe right away, and usually it’s spot-on.

Kelsey: Oh, yeah. Women’s intuition.

Alyssa: So when you’re traveling with a family, a nanny just has a salary?

Kelsey: Right.

Alyssa: Is that how it works? So everything is the same? But a postpartum doula is an hourly rate, so explain what that looks like for families if they wanted to go on vacation for two weeks and they had a nine-week old baby and wanted to bring a postpartum doula along. What do the hours look like? How do you figure out pay?

Kelsey: It varies per family, again; however, I think the idea that you’re taking someone on vacation so you should be able to get a discounted rate — at first glance, that does make sense. However, when you look at the flip side of that, you’re asking someone to uproot their lives, make sure everything is taken care of on a last-minute basis, and any plans that they may have had in those next two weeks, they have to reschedule. So we are really putting our life on pause for this family, and I think for that reason, there are things that are just assumed that they’re going to be paid for, like the accommodations and the ticket, and no, travel doulas aren’t for everyone because they can be more expensive than a regular postpartum doula. I mean, you’re traveling, so in that sense, it can be — it’s more expensive in general, but usually the rate is about the same. We’re all flexible, and we want to help, so we’re willing to make it work with families. But that being said, it’s usually around the same rate in my experience, and what I’ve heard from other doulas that are also doing this. And as for hourly schedules, we are there.

Alyssa: You can either be there for 10 hours a day or 24, depending on what the family wants, right?

Kelsey: Right, and it’s kind of up to the family and the doula, because just like in any other doula work, if I’m doing an overnight shift here in Grand Rapids, I might be asleep for three of those hours and still being paid to be present in case something were to happen, so that’s something that the doula and the family need to work out. If they want overnight support, is that sleeping overnight support, or would they rather have maybe something until 3:00 AM and then switch so that the doula can get some sleep? There’s always a way to work it, and if cost is a limiting factor, then maybe 24-hour support isn’t the best choice, but there’s just so many different ways to work that, just like natural doula work in any other location. And I think most people usually would prefer to have a 12-hour shift or something like that and then have a little time where it’s just them and just their new family and have that bonding time where there’s not another person kind of butting in and out because after a while we, if you can tell that everything is going really smoothly, it’s like I don’t need to ask you again if you need anything; I can tell you don’t. But if we’re traveling with you, we’re wherever you are. It’s not that we’re out partying in Mexico for three hours and coming back to you. We’re probably just right down the street or at the beach or getting lunch, just in case you call or something like that. So it’s so flexible, and maybe a little bit — I think maybe doulas are a little bit more available in that kind of circumstance. Like, if you wanted more care, we’re already right there.

Alyssa: Right, whereas a nanny service could be a little bit more rigid? Like, you have her from this time to this time, and if you call after that, she’s not going to answer.

Kelsey: Yes. And another thing about those excursions, like going-out-into-the-world excursions kind of things, when I was living in Sonoma, there were families that would want to go wine-tasting or something like that during the day, which is great; live it up. I don’t know if that really counts so much as traveling; it’s more like a day-long event where you just need an extra pair of hands and somebody to juggle all these things.

Alyssa: Well, and wine-tasting, specifically, you want a pair of sober hands, right, to be caring for your baby while you go wine-tasting. That’s probably a really good choice!

Kelsey: And I guess that’s not something that — I don’t know if we would run into that here very often, although the beer thing — like people might go on a beer tour or something like that, but it’s just like, that’s great, get out and do your thing, and a pair of sober hands to make sure there’s a quiet place for napping — and you’d be amazed. Some of those places, if you’re going to on a wine-tasting day or bop around a city, it’s totally beautiful and it’s totally feasible. It’s not this wild, crazy, drunken event. It’s okay to bring your baby with you. It’s just that there need to be safety precautions in place, so another pair of hands, yes, is critical.

Alyssa: Well, and especially let’s say if you have a three-year-old as well. I think that makes it even trickier. You just say, okay, I’m not even going to do these outings anymore. But if you know you have this trusted professional that can come with you, why not? Why not bring the kids along and let them experience this and everyone can enjoy it?

Kelsey: Yes, and just in terms of mental health and overall wellbeing, that kind of feeling when you know you can go out and do something that you really want to do, in 15 hours, you’re going to feel like a better person than when you were stuck at the house, like I can’t leave; I’m stuck here. Just having that mentality switch of having this liberation, this choice to make, that if I want to go do this thing, I can. It’s so relieving. A lot of moms just feel stuck, like I have to take care of my two kids right now, and they’re both driving me crazy at the same time, but I can’t leave.

Alyssa: Right. And obviously, money is a factor for some families, and in that sense, a neighborhood little girl or mother’s helper might be the right fit for them if that’s all that they have the resources for. And then in-home doula support is another level, and then traveling would be another level beyond that.

Kelsey: Yes, traveling is definitely the most fortunate option, but even if — I mean, the great thing about postpartum doulas is that you can have us in your house, and you don’t need to go anywhere. If you want to go take a nap or take a shower, that’s normal. That’s so much a part of our job.

Alyssa: That’s the majority, yeah. I mean, sometimes a client will need to get out, and we tell them, you know what, go run for a coffee and come back in an hour. But that almost gets into that babysitter role, like I’m just going to watch your kids while you leave. I think as a postpartum doula, to be there with the family is critical because you can see them in action; you can help the mother bond with her baby if you see her struggling or help her with breastfeeding support or tell her, you know what, go take a shower or take a nap; I got this. And when she wakes up and you’ve done the dishes, the baby’s napping, and you’re picking up the house, she’s like — you’re an angel! This all happened in two hours? How did you do this? So I think really being there for the family when the family is there is critical, but there are those times of need where you’re like, this mom needs to get out, and whether you go with her or tell her to go alone, I think sometimes that’s just as important.

Kelsey: Absolutely. It is nice to have a whole family perspective, to see everyone together, and I know that’s hard, especially if one parent is working or if it’s a couple and one person is working already by the time they get a postpartum doula in the house. That can be really challenging, but I’ve definitely had families who, even when there’s only one person, you can feel something is just in the air. Like, we’re not talking about the partner that’s not home, and there’s, of course, different ways to handle that. We do hear a fair amount, and there’s that fine line that’s, like, oh, playing around, and maybe that’s how the relationship is with those people, that they’ve always kind of joked with each other like that, but sometimes it’s not. Your hormones are all over the place, and as doulas, we have a limited role in that, I think. As a postpartum doula, there’s definitely been times where I just thought, you know what? This is maybe rooted deeper than the postpartum period, and I know that therapy sounds like a four-letter word for some people, but there’s so many different ways to access really great conflict resolution and therapeutic helpers in the world that can sometimes just be a phone call from home that’s really private. And if that’s something that is very built up already in someone’s mind, maybe we can find the resources. But most of all, I think we’re the eyes in those kinds of circumstances to just be able to sense out just how strong the conflict is, to be able to make a plan of attack. A lot of times, we get to ask the questions that are the uncomfortable questions that the cousin or the aunt or the mother-in-law would notice, but wouldn’t want to say anything because you want to preserve that relationship for a lifetime, and it’s a little more delicate.

Alyssa: Or if they did ask, mom wouldn’t answer honestly or would be offended or would get angry. But coming from her doula who is in her home and she loves and now trusts, it feels like a friend asking, and you’re available to be open and vulnerable with this person. It’s amazing how quickly that bond forms between a doula and a parent. They just become so vulnerable with you, and I think that’s the beauty of the relationship that becomes between these two or three — usually it’s mom, baby, and doula, where they have this relationship, and that’s why it’s so hard to leave because mom has formed this bond. And baby, too, you know? Oftentimes, it’s really hard to leave that baby that you’ve been with. We have birth doulas who have been with a mom throughout pregnancy. They were there for labor and delivery, and then there for months afterwards. So that’s a really strong bond. It’s really har d to sever.

Kelsey: Absolutely it is, especially because you want to see the next step. You know, there’s always that one next thing that’s almost there and you just want to be there for it. Yeah, that is a hard bond to sever. And they don’t have to severed. I mean, we’re always there. We just love. Doulas are such big lovers that it doesn’t have to be this severed bond of never speaking to each other again. We just aren’t going to be in your house four days a week anymore.

Alyssa: Right, and you end up becoming Facebook friends and following photos there. They’ll send random photos via text, so yeah, I think that relationship continues; it’s just a little less frequent. Well, thank you for joining us. If anyone is interested in learning more about Kelsey or hiring her for in-home or traveling doula, she is available, and you can contact us to chat about that.

Kelsey: Thank you!

Podcast Episode #56: Traveling Postpartum Doulas Read More »

Podcast Episode #55: What Sets Gold Coast Doulas Apart?

Leave a Comment / Ask The Doulas Podcast / Alyssa Veneklase / birth doula, childbirth education, doulas, gold coast doulas, mood disorders, night nurse

What sets Gold Coast Doulas apart? Today Dr. Rachel of Rise Wellness asks us why she should refer her clients to us. She already knows she loves us, but why should everyone else? You can listen to this complete podcast on iTunes or SoundCloud.

Kristin: Welcome to Ask the Doulas with Gold Coast Doulas. I’m Kristin, co-owner.

Alyssa: And I’m Alyssa. Today we’re talking to Dr. Rachel again of Rise Wellness Chiro. Hey!

Dr. Rachel: Hey, I’m back.

Alyssa: Tell us a little bit about Rise.

Dr. Rachel: Yeah, so I am co-owner of Rise Wellness Chiropractic with Dr. Annie, and we specialize in prenatal chiropractic care and pediatric care. So we see a lot of pregnant women. We are out in the community talking to a lot of pregnant women, teaching some different classes, and whenever we talk to anyone or any patient, we always recommend they have a doula at their birth.

Kristin: Love it!

Dr. Rachel: Yes, so we love you guys, obviously. I used you guys. So I just thought maybe you could tell us more about why we should refer to you.

Kristin: Good question.

Dr. Rachel: Because there’s a lot of doulas out there now. You see it a lot more now, I feel.

Kristin: Yeah, it is becoming more popular than when I became a doula about five years ago, and so we set ourselves up to the highest standards of care at Gold Coast. As many people know, doulas are not regulated. There’s no board certification. So anyone could call themselves a doula, but our doulas are all trained or working towards certification. It takes about two years to get certified for birth or postpartum, and our postpartum doulas are also current with all of the CPR, heart saver, AED certifications. And so in order to work with us, you’re at that higher level.

Dr. Rachel: What classes do the doulas take?

Alyssa: DONA and ProDoula are two of the biggest certifying organizations. Those are what most of our doulas come from. There are a couple others.

Kristin: Yeah, we have some Cappas, and we have doulas in other training programs, so we don’t select certain ones. We do prefer that our doulas have had an in-person versus an online training, and the trainings can vary from two to four days, depending on the certification organization. And then depending, again, on what program they’re going through, oftentimes an OB or a midwife would need to sign off on a certain number of births, as well as nurses in the room and clients. And then there’s hospital research that needs to be done. Books need to be read and essays and exams, and there’s a whole process, and it is different for every organization, but yet pretty similar in the structure.

Alyssa: So a lot of our doulas are certified already, and the ones that are trained and working towards certification have a certain amount of time, and if they don’t fulfill those obligations within that 18- to 24-month period, then when it expires, they have to leave. So we’re really, really adamant about that because if we’re saying that we’re a professional, experienced agency and these are our requirements, we have to stand by that.

Dr. Rachel: So you guys offer a lot of other things besides just having a doula here at Gold Coast?

Alyssa: Yes!

Kristin: Yes!

Dr. Rachel: Which I think is cool, because then you have your doula but then you’re also – then you can refer out to, like, oh, you want placenta encapsulation or help with breastfeeding or all these other classes. So tell me about those.

Kristin: Yeah, and with everything, again, trying to have the highest standards of care, there are a variety of lactation consultants, and our lactation consultants are the highest standard, so IBCLC, and they go through years of training in order to do that. And HypnoBirthing; our childbirth education instructors are certified and maintain those certifications every two years, and our placenta encapsulator has gone through a certification program and is certified and keeps current with bloodborne pathogens and all of the other exams you need.

Dr. Rachel: And weren’t you just telling me the other day that she comes and pick up the placenta?

Kristin: Yes, from the hospital.

Dr. Rachel: Which is nice, because not all of them do, right? Sometimes you have to bring home the placenta?

Alyssa: Sometimes, probably, but all of ours will come pick up at the hospital or home if they’re having a home birth.

Kristin: One of our doulas is a certified placenta encapsulator, and her certification only has her do in-home, so some of our clients like to have that prepared in home and they actually bring the placenta home and then she does all of the encapsulation right there in front of them.

Alyssa: The majority tend to want it picked up at the hospital and brought to the encapsulator’s work space and just dropped back off to them when it’s done. But I think the reason we offer so many things is, you know, you find out you’re pregnant, and where do I go? Who do I ask all these questions to? And to know that you can come to Gold Coast and get evidence-based resources and talk to experienced professionals is invaluable. Our response time is quick; we’ve noticed that if you don’t respond to somebody right away, they just assume that you don’t care or that to be unresponsive just gives a new mom a bad feeling.

Kristin: Yeah, we work seven days a week. We answer the Gold Coast line seven days a week and respond the day of, if not immediately.

Dr. Rachel: How does it work? So they’re, like, hey, they reach out to you, whether email or call, but you have 18 doulas; is that right?

Kristin: Yes.

Dr. Rachel: So how do you get matched with your doula?

Alyssa: Sometimes people ask for somebody specific. “I was on your website, and I really love so-and-so.”

Kristin: Right, or it could be location-based. We have some lakeshore doulas, so we try to pair them with clients who are delivering in the hospital, but are Grand Rapids doulas, of course. We serve a 50-mile radius, so we will travel, and some of our clients – Alyssa can attest to this – will only want a certified doula, so that would limit the pool, or are looking for a lower rate, and we do offer different pricing structures for birth based on where a client is looking for a certified or a pre-certified doula. And so if they are looking for a reduced rate, we would give them our doulas who are experienced, but also working towards their certification.

Alyssa: Right, even if they’re trained and working towards that certification, they could be twelve months in, and they could have had several clients and have done most, if not all, of their coursework. They just have to get all of their clients.

Dr. Rachel: Is there a test at the end or is it just –

Kristin: It’s an exam, yeah.

Alyssa: Yeah, and lots of reading and lots of clients. And for births, they have to be qualifying births. So they could have attended 20 and only 1 qualified because they went too quick or any number of reasons.

Dr. Rachel: What’s a qualified birth?

Kristin: It depends on the organization. Most organizations require three signed-off births. But again, it depends. If you had three Cesareans, only one would count, or if it was a quick birth, it needs to be at least ten hours for some organizations in order to count. And then again, with my first doula certification, Sacred Doula, before I went through the Pro Doula birth certification, I needed to have doctors. So I might have gotten the nurse to sign; I might have gotten my client to sign, but if I couldn’t reach that doctor immediately after the birth to get he or she to sign, then that one didn’t count. A lot of the birth trainings require auditing a full childbirth preparation class, so that could be anywhere from five weeks to twelve weeks, and also sitting in on a breastfeeding class so you understand how to support a breastfeeding mother.

Dr. Rachel: When I took your breastfeeding class, I think someone was sitting in on it.

Alyssa: Maybe one of our doulas?

Dr. Rachel: Yeah, I took it through Shira, yeah.

Kristin: So yeah, there’s a lot of preparation outside of that, and with my first certification, I also needed to take a business class, so I took a social media marketing-focused class as well to build my business.

Alyssa: And one thing we haven’t mentioned is we are fully insured. I know a lot of doulas aren’t, but we as a company are, and we have done background checks for clients or we can do drug screenings. Anything that a client might need us to do, we’re able to do for them.

Kristin: Yes, so we have – obviously in our classroom space and office, we have the full professional liability, but then we have the doula agency covered, and some of our clients have asked us to see our insurance. And then we’ve also, for clients who are concerned about vaccinations, we’ve shown immunization records. If they want doulas to have the flu shot, for example, then we would give them doulas and be able to prove that they have the current flu shot.

Alyssa: And we keep all that information on file, readily accessible, so I know if a client calls and says I want to see someone’s immunizations; I want them to also have a flu shot, and I want to give them a drug test and a background test, I can look at my chart and be like, okay, this person, this person, this person.

Dr. Rachel: That’s really awesome.

Kristin: Yeah, especially for overnight doula support, they want to know that if you’re caring for their child, their baby, when they’re sleeping, that they can trust that individual. So I feel on the postpartum end of things, the background checks, the screenings, are more rigorous than, say, for birth.

Alyssa: Anything else you think that clients have questions on when you say you should hire a doula because you’re pregnant?

Dr. Rachel: No, they probably just ask why. I tell them because you don’t know what you’re doing. You don’t know! I mean, yes, your body can do it naturally, but if you’re not prepared for birth… I tell them to take a birthing class, too. And have a doula there; they know what to do. Like I said, when I sat down with you and Ashley, I was, like, oh, good. You guys got this handled! I’ll just listen to you!

Kristin: Right! We’ve got you covered, and we can also support the partner equally, and you know, regardless of how you’re preparing, whether it’s taking a hospital class or HypnoBirthing or Lamaze or Bradley, then we’re able to support and reaffirm what you learned in class and regardless – again, we pride ourselves on judgment-free support, so birth doulas, postpartum doulas – however you parent, however you choose to birth, it’s cool with us. So if you want to get an epidural the second you walk in the hospital, let me make you comfortable and try to help things progress. If you have a planned Cesarean, then we’ll help you along that way, as well as, obviously, an unmedicated birth experience. Some doulas prefer to only support unmedicated births or only home births, but we will support everyone equally, and we’ve done specific trainings that are beyond the scope of a doula training to make us even more…

Alyssa: More inclusive. You know, we’ve had diversity training, an LGBTQ training. We’re just looking at this community, saying, whoever approaches us and asks for support, how do we best support them?

Kristin: Yes. So we’ve done an empathy training. A lot of our doulas went through the Mothership Certification program, which is a weekend-long training. And also our lactation consultant and infant massage specialists, they both went through the training with me when it was first launched, and so that’s about empathy, working with healthcare professionals, with clients. And so we did that training. We did a disability training to be able to support clients both in birth and postpartum with various disabilities, and that was so helpful and nothing I ever learned at a doula training or a conference. I go to conferences every year and some very specific niches, so we’re able to, again, serve more communities. And one thing that Gold Coast does is that most of us work in the partner model. How did you feel about hiring two doulas versus one doula?

Dr. Rachel: Yeah, it was great. It’s nice to know that you always – well, it’s just nice to have two people to bounce ideas off, or like you said, once you hire your doula, they’re there for the whole pregnancy, so when I would text a question, you both would answer.

Kristin: Right, and we have different backgrounds and experiences. Ashley was your HypnoBirthing instructor, so you had her knowledge as well and my long-time experience, so yeah, that’s a benefit. We only allow the option for certified doulas on our team to serve as a solo doula, and they still have the benefits of the team within Gold Coast if there’s an emergency or if the doula has the flu or if two clients deliver on the same day. They would have a backup within our team, but they prefer to reduce their client load and focus on that individual connection. So for a client who doesn’t necessarily feel comfortable with a team, we give that option, but most doulas in this area work in a solo model with a backup, and you may or may not know who that backup is.

Alyssa: That’s why most tend to like our team approach.

Kristin: And then in the postpartum time, we have some clients who want a lot of hours in a package, and so they may be working with five doulas or they may have one doula. So Alyssa handles a lot of that scheduling.

Alyssa: Yeah, that’s another thing that sets us apart, I think, is when you’re working with just a doula who does postpartum work, she’s limited in how many hours she can do. But we have enough that when we have clients call and say I need somebody day and night for two months straight, we can cover those shifts.

Kristin: It’s nice to cover inclusively with our team and their different skill sets. Some of our doulas are also CLCs, so basic lactation consultants, so if they’re in the home postpartum, they’re able to support with basic breastfeeding needs. If there are specific issues, we can bring our IBCLC there.

Dr. Rachel: Yeah, it’s probably just nice to be, even as a doula at Gold Coast, to be able to reach out, like, oh, I have this going on; do you have any advice?

Kristin: Yes, we can bounce situations or an induction question or how do you navigate this or trying to get baby in a better position. So we have the whole team to run things by, and they can always call me if it’s a birth issue and a doula is uncertain how to handle a situation. And then we’re so fortunate in that our infant massage instructor is also a licensed therapist and specializes in postpartum mood disorders and working with women in that time, and so we’re able to use her as a reference and a referral source. She’s helped us process some experiences we’ve had where a doula sometimes needs therapy, needs help dealing with some of the emotions surrounding what we are holding space for.

Alyssa: Yeah, I think our team – we can rely on each other. We have a private Facebook group where we can ask all these questions of each other, support each other, give each other accolades. We have meetings.

Kristin: Yeah, and yearly, I set up a birth doula skill share, so we all spend half of a day together and go through just different comfort measures and things we’ve learned at conferences and other trainings, and just reaffirm each other and, you know, increase our skills. If you don’t practice, then you lose it.

Alyssa: Yeah, we’ve got a large enough team that we can cover everybody.

Kristin: Yeah, we say from the moment a woman conceives through the first year of a child’s life, we’ve got most everything they need, and if we don’t, we have referral partners like you, like if baby’s having trouble latching and they need a chiropractor or they need to go see a pediatric dentist or they need to get some PT done during pregnancy. Could be a variety of things. We know everyone in the area as far as related practitioners to be able to refer them out.

Alyssa: Well, if there’s anybody pregnant listening, why don’t you tell them how to find Rise, and we can tell them how to find Gold Coast.

Dr. Rachel: You can find us at our website. We are in the same building at Gold Coast.

Alyssa: We’re in the Kingsley Building in East Town, so we’re right above the restaurant Terra.

Kristin: And besides our website, we’re also on Instagram and Facebook. You can pretty much find us anywhere online.

Alyssa: Thanks for joining us again, Dr. Rachel.

Dr. Rachel: thank you!

Alyssa: Remember, these moments are golden.

Podcast Episode #55: What Sets Gold Coast Doulas Apart? Read More »

Podcast Episode #54: What to Pack in your Birth Bag

Leave a Comment / Ask The Doulas Podcast / Alyssa Veneklase / night nurse

Today Alyssa and Kristin talk to Dr. Rachel of Rise Wellness about what she packed in her birth bag. It’s one of the most common questions we are asked by birth clients. Find out what to bring and what you can leave at home! You can listen to this complete podcast episode on iTunes or SoundCloud.

Kristin: Welcome to Ask the Doulas with Gold Coast Doulas. I’m Kristin, co-owner, and we have a special guest with us today.

Alyssa: Dr. Rachel again!

Dr. Rachel: Hi, me again.

Alyssa: Hey, our friend and neighbor from down the hallway.

Dr. Rachel: With Rise Chiropractic.

Alyssa: We wanted to ask you because we get asked by a lot of clients: what do you pack in a birth bag? So we wanted to know what you packed, and maybe you’d have some advice for some parents who are thinking about this; what to pack, what not to pack. Did you pack anything that you wished you wouldn’t have?

Dr. Rachel: Yeah, I feel like I left the hospital with way too much when I left, so I feel I did pack too much, yes.

Kristin: That’s pretty common.

Dr. Rachel: Yeah, you read those things online, what to pack, and then I don’t think you need most of it, because the hospital has a lot, honestly.

Alyssa: Like what? Give us some examples.

Dr. Rachel: They have diapers; they have slippers for you; they have mesh underwear; they have the pads. Well, I saw that on one today when I was trying to remember. I was like, you don’t need any of this.

Kristin: The mesh underwear is awesome!

Dr. Rachel: Yes, it is awesome. Take it home with you!

Kristin: The peri bottle…

Dr. Rachel: Yes, the peri bottle. They have everything you need for baby, and it’s just more about comfort.

Kristin: And the biggest thing is for clients who are specific about natural products for themselves and for baby, then that would be something that they would want to pack because the products at most hospitals wouldn’t necessarily be considered natural.

Alyssa: I only remember the butt cream, maybe, that they had.

Dr. Rachel: Yeah, I’m trying to think. They had nipple cream.

Kristin: And the shampoo; it used to be Johnson & Johnson.

Alyssa: In the shower, you mean?

Kristin: No, for baby’s bath.

Dr. Rachel: I didn’t bathe my babies there. Was I supposed to? Did I bathe my babies there? I don’t think I did.

Kristin: You don’t need to. I don’t think you did. Just a sponge bath.

Dr. Rachel: Oh, I think the nurses did that. But I was also trying to remember; did they have shampoo and stuff? Because you do shower; you want to shower.

Kristin: Yeah, they have the small bottles for yourself.

Dr. Rachel: I couldn’t remember if I brought my own or not.

Alyssa: I didn’t think I showered in the hospital.

Dr. Rachel: I did. It was difficult. I’m not going to lie.

Alyssa: I think I waited until I got home.

Dr. Rachel: I showered the last day.

Kristin: I showered, but I extended my stay because my daughter was in the NICU, and I remember being in the shower and looking down and being used to my belly and seeing the in-between stage and that was a little dramatic to experience that.

Dr. Rachel: Yeah, I looked nine months pregnant. I looked a hundred weeks pregnant before that.

Alyssa: But you were carrying two!

Dr. Rachel: Right! So maybe a nice thing – I was thinking a robe might be nice.

Kristin: Yeah, a robe is really cozy.

Dr. Rachel: I didn’t have one.

Alyssa: Especially if you get cold, if you’re cold all the time.

Kristin: You don’t need it during labor, but in the post-partum time.

Dr. Rachel: Yeah, I’m thinking postpartum time, a robe.

Kristin: Or your own PJs.

Dr. Rachel: And I really liked – well, I literally was in the hospital gown the whole time until I left, but the breastfeeding tank tops. That’s a good thing to bring.

Kristin: Or a nursing bra, depending on your size. Some women can’t do tanks.

Dr. Rachel: That’s true. But if you’re going to have people come visit, you might want to get in normal clothes.

Kristin: I didn’t care, apparently!

Dr. Rachel: I brought, which I really liked, was the swaddles for the babies because I think we were there two nights.

Alyssa: Like a sleep sack or your own swaddle blankets?

Dr. Rachel: Well, I brought swaddling, like muslin blankets, but I also brought the ones I had bought with the Velcro, and I liked that instead of just using the hospital blanket that they give you.

Alyssa: Those are kind of small, too.

Dr. Rachel: Yeah. So I did like that I had brought that, and I don’t think that I saw that on any lists. And I actually brought more than just one baby outfit. I didn’t just leave my babies in the same outfit, and they pooped through them, so we went through a couple.

Kristin: They do that! And that meconium is pretty interesting.

Dr. Rachel: Yes. Oh, and I brought my pregnancy pillow.

Alyssa: For sleeping?

Dr. Rachel: Yeah, I got induced, so I used it all during that time while I was in the hospital bed. And I highly recommend that to patients when they go. I’m like, if you have that pregnancy pillow, bring it with you. It was the best thing I brought with me.

Kristin: Or just your own pillow from home with your own smell, like your pillowcase. That gives clients some comfort.

Alyssa: Well, and I’m weird about pillows, too. I like my own pillow; I like them a certain way; I need to have two of them.

Dr. Rachel: Did you bring your own pillows?

Alyssa: I didn’t. I didn’t even think about it.

Dr. Rachel: But you wish you would have, didn’t you?

Alyssa: I don’t even remember!

Dr. Rachel: There were no pillows for Adam, so I think he ended up using my pregnancy pillow when he slept on the couch, and I brought a blanket for him. There was really nothing for him. I mean, maybe we could have asked. I don’t know.

Kristin: Snacks; did he bring his own snacks?

Dr. Rachel: Well, I brought snacks for him, yes.

Kristin: Of course you did!

Dr. Rachel: Yeah, lots and lots of snacks. He got a burrito, too, while I got nothing.

Alyssa: That’s the worst part, not being able to eat. Being hangry and being in labor.

Dr. Rachel: Yes. I brought my breastfeeding pillow, also, the breast friend pillow.

Kristin: That’s nice. I like that brand.

Dr. Rachel: That was nice, and then having the lactation consultant there, to have that.

Kristin: Yeah, I highly recommend asking, even if you feel like breastfeeding’s going great, to get that extra support while you’re in the hospital from a lactation consultant is fantastic.

Dr. Rachel: And I had to leave the hospital with no shoes because my feet were so swollen afterwards, so some slippers or something would be nice.

Kristin: Yeah, slippers are great for women who want to walk the halls during labor and get out of their room. Those socks are fine, but I like slippers.

Dr. Rachel: But yeah, slippers or something. Are most women swollen after labor?

Alyssa: I don’t remember mine being swollen.

Dr. Rachel: I think it was just the C-section and all the IV fluids and not being able to leave my hospital bed. Either way, I was very swollen; so bring some slippers, maybe. Maybe I could have left the hospital in shoes, then. Headphones. I did the Hypnobirthing with Ashley, so I listened to that rainbow relaxation a lot.

Alyssa: Oh, and you used headphones so everyone else didn’t have to listen to it.

Kristin: And some people like to use a speaker and have it be out in the open for everyone, but with Hypnobirthing, you can be very internal, so I can see why you’d want to bring headphones and just get in your zone and listen to your affirmations.

Alyssa: So headphones or a speaker, depending on your preference.

Dr. Rachel: Right, or other people just like music, right?

Kristin: Yeah, some people make their own labor soundtrack. I did with my births.

Dr. Rachel: Oh, and a phone charger. Everyone tells you don’t forget that, although I’ll be honest; after babies, I don’t think I even looked at my phone for a very long time.

Kristin: But most people take pictures with their phone, so for some, it’s letting relatives and friends know, but for others, unless they have a birth photographer…

Dr. Rachel: We did have to contact you, so you do need your phone.

Kristin: For sure! Call your doula!

Dr. Rachel: Chapstick. You’re so dry. I think my throat was even so dry I had to have my mom bring cough drops for me. But you know what I wouldn’t bring? My straightener and my curling iron.

Alyssa: That’s a little ambitious!

Dr. Rachel: I don’t know why my friend told me to bring that. That and makeup; that was not needed, unless you want a pretty picture taken.

Kristin: Yeah, some people need to be on Instagram right away and look perfect after.

Alyssa: I think I brought a little bit of makeup, but I had long hair then, so I just pulled it up in a ponytail and maybe put some blush on and called it a day.

Kristin: Yeah, ponytail holders are great. You get hot; all that hair on your neck, and being able to pull your hair up is awesome.

Alyssa: That is one thing when I look back at pictures – I’m on all fours and my husband’s putting wet washcloths on the back of my neck because I was so hot, and to get my hair up on top of my head and get a washcloth on my neck was amazing. Anything else that you brought that you didn’t need?

Dr. Rachel: I don’t think so. I brought a lot of clothes, and I didn’t wear any of them because I was literally in the hospital gown. I mean, you need an outfit to go home in. You’re still going to have a big belly, so bring some sort of pants for that. I think my friend ended up bringing me clothes and I wore those home, which was nice.

Kristin: I wore my own clothes at both of my births. I didn’t wear the gown. I wore a long skirt and my water broke all over it, and then I was nude for the rest of my labor.

Dr. Rachel: Did you wear your gown, Alyssa?

Alyssa: Yeah, they had two on me for a long time, one front, and one back, and I was wandering the halls and sitting on yoga balls, and then once the time came, they whipped the one off. It wasn’t very pretty.

Dr. Rachel: Yeah, it is an experience. I think that was it, though. I think I probably brought too many clothes and too many hair products.

Kristin: Yeah, people tend to overpack, but snacks are key. I always say hydration, for clients who like coconut water, that’s excellent with electrolytes. For those who don’t, anything with electrolytes, even Gatorade can be a good option. Or for those who are into labor tea; some women bring it cold to the hospital. I’m a fan of honey sticks; get a little energy going.

Dr. Rachel: Well, they wouldn’t let me have anything!

Kristin: Well, yeah, your situation was unique.

Dr. Rachel: They wouldn’t let me have ice chips! I wish I could have had the snacks I brought. It was good for afterwards. If you end up in a situation where you can’t eat your snacks, you can eat them after.

Alyssa: Actually, I remember that’s one thing I brought you.

Dr. Rachel: You did bring me lots of snacks, yeah.

Alyssa: I remembered that I needed food afterwards and all the snacks!

Dr. Rachel: Yeah, and that was great because then I even had it at home afterwards because then you never eat at a normal time again.

Kristin: Exactly, if you’re breastfeeding, you can never get enough snacks that are in easy reach.

Dr. Rachel: You just live off protein bars and cheese sticks. Well, maybe not. Most babies don’t like dairy.

Kristin: Yeah, some babies have issues with dairy. Well, thanks for the advice. That’s one of the most common questions I get asked, either in consults or in prenatals with clients, is what to pack in the birth bag, what suggestions we have. Obviously, you said you took HypnoBirthing, so for those who are taking HypnoBirthing to bring the manual you get in class. That’s always helpful to be able to refer to that, and sometimes I’ll read scripts to my clients.

Dr. Rachel: Yeah, I think I brought those also. I read a lot – people were like, bring a magazine to read. When are you going to read during labor? Who has time for that?

Kristin: Maybe a really long induction where you’re there for three days trying to get ripe and all of that, but otherwise…

Dr. Rachel: But even then, I don’t know. Also, everyone has their phone, so Facebook.

Kristin: Right, social media brings it to a whole different level.

Dr. Rachel: Yeah, but I wouldn’t waste your time with that either.

Kristin: Yeah, and some people, again, make birth playlists and have it all planned out, and with my first, I was induced, so I thought I was going to have more time. It was somewhat quick for an induction, but I made a labor playlist and everything had “breathe” in it. It was themed. And I also had some local artist friends on my playlist, and I did a slideshow of photos from my wedding on my laptop that I had going when I was in the early stages, before things got intense.

Dr. Rachel: Did that help?

Kristin: I liked it. It passed the time. I’m not the type to watch movies, but I’ve had clients watch funny movies on TV to pass the time, and they just crack up. I’ve seen a lot of movies over the years.

Dr. Rachel: Here’s what I would say, also. If you’re close by the hospital, you can send your husband out to go get something you need.

Kristin: Or your doula.

Dr. Rachel: Or have someone bring it to you. So I wouldn’t really stress too much about a pregnancy bag. You can get stuff easy.

Kristin: Or if you have family members lurking in the waiting room, you can send them and give them jobs to do because they love to be helpful and they can go get food or something you’ve forgotten. But not everyone has that luxury of having family or friends nearby.

Dr. Rachel: Right, just if you do.

Alyssa: I’m laughing that you had the time to put together a slideshow. That’s obviously before your first kid, when you have all the time in the world to do these beautiful playlists.

Kristin: But I was on bedrest for three weeks, so I had a lot of time.

Alyssa: Right, well, I think that’s the key point is you had a lot of extra time.

Kristin: And I knew when I was getting induced, so I had time. It was totally different with my second and having a toddler and being pregnant, so I didn’t bring as much.

Alyssa: Anything else we need to know?

Kristin: Yeah, what’s going on at Rise?

Dr. Rachel: Oh, yeah, I was going to tell you that right now at Rise Wellness Chiropractic, we are doing a toy/clothing/supply drive for Degage Ministries, and if you bring in a supply, you can get your exam and consult at no charge, and that goes through December 14th. If you don’t want to be a chiropractic patient, you can still just donate if you’d like to.

Kristin: Yeah, we appreciate all the give-backs that you do in the community, and we love partnering with you on our diaper drives, so thank you for all you do for the community.

Dr. Rachel: Oh, yeah. We love it.

Alyssa: So if somebody has a toy, they can come in and drop it off – toy or clothes?

Dr. Rachel: Yes.

Alyssa: And then if they want to drop a toy and schedule a consult, they should do that online?

Dr. Rachel: They can do that online, yes, at risewellnesschiro.com or they can call the office, 616-258-8480. But online, you can just schedule yourself.

Kristin: And Rise is located in the same building as we are in Eastown, the Kingsley Building. We’re right about Terra Restaurant for those of you who are local.

Alyssa: And you get in through the parking ramp. It’s the hardest thing. You can find the building but you can’t find how to get in our office space on the second floor, so look for the little black awning next to the parking ramp on the corner of Lake and Genesee.

Kristin: Well, thanks for stopping by, Rachel! It’s good to chat.

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Podcast Episode #54: What to Pack in your Birth Bag Read More »

Podcast Episode #53: Ashley’s Story – Why I Became a Doula

Leave a Comment / Ask The Doulas Podcast / Alyssa Veneklase

Today Ashley Forton, Certified Birth Doula and HypnoBirthing Instructor, talks about why she became a doula and different ways a doula can support a pregnancy. She tells us what a gentle cesarean looks like and why she, as a doula herself, hired a doula for her third child. You can listen to this complete podcast episode on iTunes or SoundCloud.

This interview was done while Ashley was still pregnant with her third baby. She has since had her baby and their family is thriving!

Alyssa: Hi, welcome back to Ask the Doulas with Gold Coast Doulas. I am Alyssa, co-owner and postpartum doula at Gold Coast, and we have Ashley as a guest again today.

Ashley: Hi!

Alyssa: She is a birth doula with us, and today we’re going to get to know her a little bit better. I would like to know why you became a doula.

Ashley: So with my first pregnancy, I am the kind of person that I want to know all the things, so I started doing tons and tons of research, and my degree is in health sciences, so I was very curious about the anatomy and physiology and what’s happening to my body, and I had a lot of questions. I started realizing that, hey, doulas are a thing that’s out there, and maybe I’m going to explore that. And there was actually a girl that I worked with in my office who was a doula, and we became friends and she became a great support to me emotionally and informationally, helping me sort through what is and isn’t evidence-based information and being a nonjudgmental sounding board for me. I started realizing how valuable that was. When I hired her, her services to me were just paramount to my experience. I did hire a midwife as well, and I felt so supported by both of them. Any questions I had, any concerns that I had, they were both there to help me through that.

Alyssa: And this was during pregnancy?

Ashley: Yeah, during pregnancy.

Alyssa: A lot of people don’t think about that. You know, you have a birth doulas; they probably think you have that support during birth, but they don’t understand that the sooner you hire a doula, you have a team of experts to support you for those months.

Ashley: Absolutely, and so what was really great is we worked together, so I had access to her all the time, but even her phone is on 24/7, and she was able to answer questions for me. That became really helpful because I had gestational diabetes, which was nothing that was ever on my radar. I wasn’t expecting that, and she was there to emotionally kind of help me navigate those waters because I felt like what I had planned was now coming crashing down. My midwife was able to answer all of my clinical questions and medical questions, but it was also really important to me to have that emotional support. I had that from my very supportive husband and family, but it was also this nonbiased third party that was saying, “You can tell me anything. Just vent it out.” There’s no judgment; there’s no shame, and she was helping me come up with solutions and alternatives to how I was going to emotionally navigate this new path.

Alyssa: And doctors and OBs love this because the doula is now the sounding board for all these questions, and you can certainly say, well, that question is outside my scope; you need to talk to your healthcare provider, but the majority of the questions that most healthcare providers get are probably things that they don’t want to deal with. So the doula takes so much of that time and energy that the doctors – not that they don’t want to the deal with for pregnant women, but they don’t want to answer all these little questions that aren’t medical.

Ashley: And I think a lot of those little questions come from the fear and anxiety. So I’ve had my moments where my anxiety would snowball during this discovery period of gestational diabetes. What does this mean? What’s happening to my body? And I just needed someone to kind of help me and say, it’s okay that you feel this way. But I didn’t necessarily need to have these emotional sessions with my midwife, and it wasn’t something that I needed therapy for, so I didn’t need a trained therapist, but it was really good to say, hey, here’s what’s coming across my mind today. What do you think about this idea? And hey, here, I heard this is something that might be helpful for me. If I end up have a Cesarean, what do you think? And she was able to say, hey, here are some awesome ways to have a gentle Cesarean. Here are some things you might be interested in if you do have a Cesarean.

Alyssa: Can you explain gentle Cesarean?

Ashley: So a lot of different things are coming about in the OB world that are making Cesareans more family-centered, more emotionally aware of the needs of the mother. So things like pass-through drapes, so as soon as the baby is born, that sterile field has a flap that can be opened and Baby can be placed directly on the mom’s chest, whereas before they may have taken Baby, swaddled Baby, and put her on a warmer. So simple things like that or even see-through drapes, if a family is comfortable with that, being able to see their baby emerge. That’s really cool, if that’s something that they want. We also talked about talking to our provider about having music playing in the room, being my choice of music, and what the different options were to make it feel more comfortable and something to look forward to as opposed to just an operation that I was terrified of.

Alyssa: They’re going to cut me open, take my baby, and who knows when I will get to touch and see my baby.

Ashley: Exactly. There was a lot of unknown. When I found out I had gestational diabetes, my brain immediately went to, I’m going to be put under, and it’s going to be this Cesarean that I wasn’t planning on. My gestational diabetes was pretty mild, and I was able to control it almost completely with diet. I did not need insulin or anything like that, and everybody’s body is different, so not everybody is able to do that, but I worked really hard on what I was eating and what I was doing to keep things on the path that I was hoping to go down, and a lot of that was with nutritional guidance. I saw a dietician and saw an OB in addition to my midwife, and so I had a full team of medical providers, as well as my doula, that were all there in my corner rooting for me, regardless of how it turned out. They were all like, “We’re here for you, no matter how this goes.” And that was just incredible. I walked away from my birth – I ended up having a vaginal birth and didn’t need the Cesarean, but I walked away from that feeling like I was in charge throughout the whole process. My doula really helped me to find my voice and speak for myself and ask the questions that I needed to ask my provider, and that was really powerful for me. I felt like when my baby was born, I felt like I could conquer the world. I felt like Warrior Woman! And it wasn’t because I had a vaginal birth; it was because I felt like I was in charge of every single step along the way, even when my body said, “Ha, ha, you thought this was going to go differently.” I still was in charge, and I still had a whole team of people in my corner, which was really, really helpful. I love my family and my friends dearly, and they’re all very well-meaning, but everybody has opinions and everybody wants to tell you what they would do. But they aren’t me, and so a lot of times it was just kind of listening and smiling and nodding and then thinking, “We’re not doing that.”

Alyssa: Right, and it’s really what that doula is; it’s the expert, third-party, judgment-free, tell me anything; let’s figure out what you want. And so because of the support you received with your babies, something just clicked and you said hey, what if I did this?

Ashley: Yeah, so pregnant with my son, my second child, I hired the same doula and had another amazing experience and also felt very in charge. I had similar curve balls thrown at me, but again, felt very in charge, and I started thinking, you know, I have heard so many horror stories and from friends and family who have so many regrets about their birth or they don’t understand why things happened at their birth, and I started thinking, I would love to change that. I would love for these women to look back on their birth and go, I felt awesome! This is amazing! Regardless of how they got there. So I started thinking, how could I use my degree in health sciences, my passion for anatomy and physiology, and I was like, you know what, that knowledge ties in perfectly to pregnancy and birth. There’s a whole lot happening in your anatomy and physiology, and it just still fascinates me to this day. And so after my son was born, I met with Kristin, one of the co-owners of Gold Coast Doulas, and I said, “What do I need to do? Where do I need to go? I want to be a doula.” And I got into a training, and it hit me like a ton of bricks, sitting in that training: this is what I need to be doing. This is exactly what I want to be doing! And I had completely shed that mentality that I used to have, the idea that there’s only one way that’s best for everyone. Naively, in my first pregnancy, that’s what I thought: if this is what’s best for me, it’s best for you too! And I became very passionate about supporting women and helping them to find their voice and feel like they’re in charge so that they don’t look back and have regrets. Even when curve balls come, you have the power to make a decision based on your instincts, knowing the benefits and risks, and you get to make a choice. And that’s really powerful. That’s really amazing, and so I love hearing women, even when they had something in their mind planned, this is how I want it to go, and it doesn’t go that way, and they look at me at the postpartum visit and they say, I loved my birth. I was in charge. I have no regrets. That’s amazing because that’s going to go with them the rest of their life.

Alyssa: Yes! Because I, as a postpartum doula, see the negative side effects of that when they get home and they’ve had this traumatic birth story. Maybe they didn’t use a birth doula. You know, things don’t always go as planned, and it’s kind of a hard lesson to learn. I joke in one of my newborn class that this is the beginning. In your life, nothing is going to go as planned from here on out. Once you have a kid, your schedule is no longer yours. Everything’s just going to be in disarray. Eventually, it does get better, but it’s just the beginning of letting go of control, and you really have to. You have control over bits and pieces, but the big picture is completely out of your control, and you just have to be okay with that.

Ashley: And it really is about learning to have control of the moments where you can. So when you’re presented with a choice, that’s when you get to take control and say, “This is what I think is best for us.” Sure, there are times where you don’t have a choice; it’s an emergency, and your body and your baby made the choice for you. This is what needs to happen. And that happens. That absolutely happens. But you’re right; it’s letting go of having that rigid plan set in your mind that this is how it’s going to go and it’s going to be great, because you set yourself up for emotional letdown when you only are counting on this one possibility. But when you open up your mind to, “This is what I’d prefer have happen, and this is what my dream is; but you know what? If we get thrown a curve ball, we’ll take it. One step at a time, we will cross that bridge when we come to it.” And those goes for birth and pregnancy and postpartum. You really just have to be flexible, and that can be a hard pill to swallow. It was for me. I like to have a plan, and I like things to according to plan.

Alyssa: I’m the exact same way!

Ashley: My husband laughs because now I’m a little bit of a different person than I was before I had kids. I’m much more able to say, okay, that didn’t happen, so now we’ve got a new plan.

Alyssa: You learn to go with the flow. It makes your days much more tolerable and you stay a little happier!

Ashley: Absolutely, yeah. And knowing that you may not be able to have control over the exact circumstances, but you do have control over how you react to them. So trying, even though it’s so much easier said than done, but trying to find a positive; thing to find a benefit to that, and going, “You know what? Maybe this is why this happened.” Everything’s 20/20 in hindsight, but in the moment, that’s hard, and if you’ve got a good support system, it doesn’t have be a birth doula. It can be a supportive partner, a provider that you love; it can be family that you love, as long as somebody’s there to say, I get it. This didn’t go according to plan, but we’re going to get through this, and it’s okay to feel whatever you’re feeling, but having that support system, I think, is extremely important because parenting is unpredictable. Birth is unpredictable. Stuff happens that we don’t think is going to happen, and having a support system is extremely important to make it through that and come out on the other side going, yeah, that was rough, but we did it. We did it, and we’re stronger now.

Alyssa: That’s amazing. If I was going to have another baby, I’d hire you for sure! But we’re done.

Ashley: And I think it is worth noting, I am pregnant with my third, and I did hire a doula. I am a doula. It’s my third baby, and I still hired a doula because birth is unpredictable. I don’t know what’s going to happen this time around. Every baby is different; every pregnancy is different. My life is different now than it was the first time around, and having that constant support is extremely important to me, and it also helps my husband, I think, feel a little better knowing that he’s not the only one that I’m relying on for support.

Alyssa: Right. He can only do so much.

Ashley: Absolutely. And he knows me better than anybody else does, but he also knows his own limitations, and he knows that maybe a doula has a little bit more knowledge about the birth process than he does. And when I’m in labor, I’m not necessarily going to be in doula-mode to doula myself!

Alyssa: And you shouldn’t be expected to!

Ashley: Right, but I want to be able to look to somebody else to go, all right. Help me out here. Instead of trying to put all that pressure on myself, too.

Alyssa: That was beautiful. Thank you for sharing! If you have questions or comments or anything you’d like to hear Ashley talk about at another time, email us at info@goldcoastdoulas.com. Remember, these moments are golden!

Podcast Episode #53: Ashley’s Story – Why I Became a Doula Read More »

The Most Wonderful Time of The Year…or is it?

Leave a Comment / Parenting / Alyssa Veneklase

On of our birth doulas, Angel, reflects on this holiday season as a mother with a newborn. I think alot of us can relate…

So you recently popped out a baby. Maybe your first, maybe your last. Either way, you are probably feeling a bit like you’re treading water. I know. I feel it too. You’re coming to terms with a newborn, a new you, and now a sweet, simmering pot of holiday expectation that, left unchecked, will surely come to a boil.

Was your baby on a good schedule? HAHAHA! Not anymore! Events, family visits, traveling, and so many parties!

Does your baby soothe himself to sleep? Not at grandma’s he wont!

That super cute Christmas outfit you bought for the absolute perfect holiday pictures? HAHAHA! He just pooped out the sides of it!

The coughing and the sneezing and the passing of the baby…. Is it rude to say no, you can’t hold my baby? Am I a momzilla now? (Pro-tip: Remind Aunt so and so that if she doesn’t give your crying baby back, your nipples will explode all over her holiday party! Nothing freaks people out like a visible let down!)

Let’s throw a snow storm in there for good measure… have fun driving across the state with all that postpartum anxiety.

Solidarity sisters. I feel you. I see you. My pot is beginning to simmer as well.

I know how hard it is just to get to where you are going, let alone all the big personalities and opinions once you get there. It’s hard to savor this time of year when even this time of life is so demanding. This might not be our year to savor. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other; be patient with yourself, and others. SAY NO! (I feel like this is worth mentioning again.) Be kind, but please say no. And don’t be too proud to ASK FOR HELP. Sometimes asking for help also looks like saying what you feel out loud. Talk to someone, see your doctor. (I already made my appointment). Breathe.

See? That feels better doesn’t it? And if you really want to have some in person head nods and YASS KWEENs, find a local postpartum support group.

We can do this! We ARE doing this!!!

The Most Wonderful Time of The Year…or is it? Read More »

December 2018