May 13, 2025
Mama Bear Survival: Podcast Episode #290
Kristin Revere and Emily Richett discuss Preparedness for Moms during pregnancy and early parenting in the latest episode of Ask the Doulas podcast. Emily is the author of “Mama Bear Survival: Raising Strong Families in an Uncertain World- A Guide to Preparedness, Resilience & Self-Reliance”. She is also the host of Mama Bear Survival podcast.
Hello, hello! This is Kristin Revere with Ask the Doulas, and you are in for a treat today because my dear friend, Emily Richett, is joining us. Emily is a former TV news reporter turned entrepreneur and podcaster with over two decades of experience in media, with her work features in Ink, Entrepreneur, Forbes, and news stations nationwide.
Emily is the host of the Mama Bear Survival Podcast and the author of the upcoming book, Mama Bear Survival: Raising Strong Families in an Uncertain World – a Guide to Preparedness, Resilience, and Self-Reliance.”
She and her husband live in Michigan with their four children where they enjoy exploring the outdoors and learning new skills together, always in the pursuit of the simple, good life.
Welcome, Emily!
Thank you so much, Kristin! Wow, that was a wonderful introduction, and I’m sitting here thinking, I’ve known you for at least a couple decades, and I feel like the tables have turned because now you’re the host, and it’s really strange to be on the other side of this!
Absolutely, I know. We go way back to your early days as a reporter and my days back in politics. So many fun times! Now we’re both moms, and we have supported each other through the years professionally and personally. You launched my online course, Becoming a Mother, and our book, Supported: Your Guide to Birth and Baby. So I am so excited to help with your launch of Mama Bear Survival! This is thrilling. I feel like we are in the era where we need to be self-reliant. There’s so much uncertainty. I can’t wait to talk about how we can be more prepared as moms, whether it’s in pregnancy or early parenting phases and throughout our lives.
Yeah, this book really came out of the fog I was feeling after I had my fourth baby. I went through a little bit of that postpartum fog where you’re just in baby mode. You’re indoors. It was winter. I felt like I was just cuddled up with the baby and nursing and keeping our house running, and as I came out of that fog that summer, I started to look around and realize, the world isn’t like the one I grew up in. It feels like it’s rapidly changing in so many ways, whether it was natural disasters or there were random acts of violence happening suddenly in places where I frequent with my four children. It could be a grocery store parking lot, a splash pad here in Michigan, playgrounds. And I felt like I was a little unequipped. I wanted to gain some skills to feel better prepared for my household if I’m out and about, especially alone with four children. I was officially far outnumbered now with only two hands.
Also just in life. I think back to my grandmothers and stories of my great-grandmother, who was actually blind, and she lived on the top floor of her apartment and did all kinds of wonderful things in her community. She never let that stop her. And it’s like wow, they were just built with such grit and resilience. They had skills that I realized I don’t want those skills to die with me, with my generation, and I wanted to kind of reclaim some of those lost, traditional skills in motherhood.
So that sent me on a journey. First, I did what most people do, and I went to the internet. I went searching for a book that would help me in all of these different aspects, and I couldn’t find anything. Everything was either really masculine or it was doomsday prepper style, and I didn’t want to build a bomb bunker. I just did what comes natural as a news reporter. I’ve always just been a storyteller. And I thought, well, I’ll go find the experts. I realized there’s this woman over here and this other man – I have his book, and they’re experts in self defense and personal protection. I could get them on the podcast and ask them some questions.
And I very quickly realized as I was doing this in different sectors – food preservation, starting to learn to homestead even if you don’t have what you would consider a homestead; you live in the suburbs. As I was getting all this information, I thought, instead of sharing it just in my podcast, it really seems like something that should be rolled into a book, something that sits on your coffee table that will encourage, that will inspire, that you can just flip through. As you’re drinking your coffee, you’ll glean a little bit of information that can make an impact on your day or inspire you to pursue a different skill. And it’s all rolled into this book, Mama Bear Survival: Raising Strong Families in an Uncertain World.
And I think the difference with this book is, it hits on a lot of the basics. Sure, we’ll talk about the importance of having water filtration, water, and food supply to get you through at least two weeks, and how to build it from there. So in the event of natural disasters or emergencies, you can actually survive, yes. And there is self-defense and personal protection. I have everything from lethal to nonlethal forms of protection.
I guess the softer skills of motherhood – a lot of things to consider raising children in the digital age and how we can give them more of the analog childhood that you and I had, and to reclaim some skills that are slowly being lost.
Absolutely. Technology has taken over. So the self-reliance is a must, and we’re seeing wildfires and earthquakes and hurricanes. We just had a tornado touch down near us. As you mentioned, things like filtration or getting along without power or heat and how to keep our kids safe if we run out of formula, for example. We’ve gone through formula shortages, toilet paper shortages, issues with even eggs right now. You can only buy two cartons of eggs in most stores I go to at this point.
Yeah, I’m glad you mentioned the formula. You know, when I was setting up to write this book – of course, you’ll run into people – and you’ve probably run into this too – you’re doing something new or something different. There will be the naysayers and the people who say, you’re being dramatic, and oh, the world doesn’t need that. But I was really just drawn from the personal experiences we’ve lived out the last few years. And I remember when there was that very severe formula shortage. I had a daughter who I think was about a year old at the time. And I had an unopened can of this organic baby formula sitting in my closet, and I was able to offer it to a friend who was never able to breastfeed. Even if you’ve successfully breastfed all your babies, you never know if the next one will. You never know if suddenly your supply will dry up. You never know if you will be hospitalized and apart from your baby. There are so many reasons. Always be sure someone can get food and nutrition into your child, for whatever reason. It could be a shortage.
So I remember when that happened, and it was then that I realized, I never want to be without. It felt so good to be able to offer that up, and my baby at the time was old enough to be starting solids and wouldn’t need it anyway. When I had my fourth baby, I was already prepared with some back-up formula, even though I know there are probably great formulas now, I don’t personally love the ingredients that are in formula. I think that we can do better for our babies with what’s provided in formula, and I know that there are some better options. However, I bought the best I could, and that’s a theme throughout my book because the dried food that you can buy, the shelf life food that lasts 20 years – you can buy it at Costco and all these places now – yeah, the ingredients are not the best, and a lot of them are bioengineered and you name it, but guess what? If you have the option of no food to feed your family or something to feed your family, you’ll be glad you have something. In the meantime, if you have nothing and you don’t have the time and the capacity to learn how to grow and can your own food, work towards that. That’s great if you want to. But you can also just have peace of mind and ease by having something that will sustain your family in times of emergency. And that’s how I felt about formula.
And during the writing of this book, there were a lot of things I had left out. And then things happened. And I thought, I have to go back in. In fact, one of the very last things – it had already gone through my editor, had gone through my designer. At this point, it was very costly to make any changes to the book because literally adding even a couple sentences might throw off the page design, and then we’re talking hours for my designer, has to go back through the editor – there’s a lot involved. And I was already at that stage.
But the wildfires in California were hitting their peak, and I realized, okay, we had the wildfires in California. We had the completed unexpected, disastrous flooding in North Carolina. There had been multiple hurricanes and scares in Florida. And then I thought back just a couple years ago; there was that train derailment in Ohio. Remember that, where there was a chemical spill? All these instances where people who never expected it were having to flee from their homes. We’re talking hundreds of thousands of people fleeing from their homes with nothing more than what they can carry, and a lot of them getting stranded, not even able to keep their cars with them because highways were so backed up.
I went back and revisited my chapter on bugging in and bugging out. Because historically, you want to prepare for bugging in. Your home is your shelter, it’s your safe place. You can really prepare well in your home for emergencies. And us living through the pandemic, for instance – the whole thing was “stay home.” And I really put an emphasis on how you can prepare your home as your shelter. I revisited and I thought it was worth it to say, we’ve got to quick put on the brakes. I know this is going to be costly and we’re in a time crunch, but I think I need to add a few paragraphs more into the bugging out because we’re seeing more and more, there are real life implications for having to pack up and leave, sometimes with very little notice, and to be sure you can grab at least some core essentials.
That’s where there are things like in the beginning of the book, I talk about a family binder and what you can put in it. How you can have copies made so that you can easily grab them. Have them in a fireproof safe. Just the essentials, so if you’re leaving the house, you’ll be really grateful that you’re not going with nothing.
That’s all the big picture, emergency stuff, and that can sound scary, but the book really comes from a place of peace and faith and not fear. That all gets laid out in the beginning. But I thought of you, Kristin, many times, because motherhood and giving birth is woven into the thought process of this book. And it dawned on me when I was writing the book – I was writing about how a lot of us as mothers will feel that urgency of preparedness as we are preparing to give birth, like that nesting urge, right?
Yes. Nesting is strong!
It is so strong! And that is the time – I have gotten the most productivity in my life in those weeks leading up to giving birth. And I think there’s something to that. You know, our biological pull to be prepared. We know that physically and mentally, resources are going to be tied up in caring for a new baby. And I think a survival instinct is making sure that we have everything as prepared as we can, as much as possible, so that our family isn’t vulnerable. We think of nesting as kind of organizing the shelves and feeling good and being able to come home to an organized home, but there’s truly a survival aspect to that and making sure that there was food and making sure that your plate is cleared, that you can focus on your baby’s needs as a part of that. And when I was writing the book, it dawned on me that more women have given birth with no electricity, with nothing, let alone they didn’t have a curated playlist or moody lighting – they had no lighting. Or they had to hope that they were giving birth with some natural moon or sunlight happening. So when you talk about resilience, we were made for giving birth, and I think our current culture sometimes can have us forget that because we like to control everything, and we can control so many things about birth and delivery now. But it’s going back to the idea that we were made for this, and I think we were also made to prepare ourselves for worst case scenarios so that we can live in peace.
100%. And birth is unpredictable, even with a scheduled birth or induction. Baby can come when baby’s ready or when our bodies say it’s time. I talk to my doula clients about having their hospital bag packed and making sure they have blankets and emergency supplies in their car because sometimes you don’t make it to the hospital if you plan a hospital birth.
Absolutely. I know. I’ve heard many of your stories, being friends and working with you over the years, and I think that was probably always in the back of my mind, too, of what could happen. And it wasn’t until I met Brittany from Refuge Medical. They’re one of the sponsors and supporters of this book. They’re all American made first aid kits. They have all kinds of cool supplies. And one of the things I found interesting when they came on board is they have birthing buckets for birthing and postpartum. I thought, okay, that’s just for homebirth. It’s everything you need to have a homebirth in a bucket. And then when I was talking to her, she said it’s not just for homebirth. It’s just for preparedness, having what you need in case you live further away from hospitals. Like, some people, if you don’t naturally live close to a hospital, you are just of a preparedness mindset because you don’t expect that you’re always able to get to places or have people get to you if you need help. Some people who live further out in the country, they’re just always naturally more prepared in this way. And they had someone on the way to the hospital or planning to go to the hospital and have to use the birth bucket that had all the supplies that they needed because baby unexpectedly came early and fast. I was thinking about how I never was prepared in that aspect in my pregnancies, but if I were to get pregnant today, let’s say, I would have one of those birth buckets, even if I wasn’t planning a home birth, because you never know. And I remember, I was pregnant a bit after things were so mysterious about COVID and when the hospitals were really locked down, but I remember feeling for the moms around that point because I was like, man, if I were pregnant right now, I think I’d definitely just have a home birth and not deal with all the crazy that’s happening at the hospitals.
I was fortunate to be in a state where doulas were considered essential workers, and we worked all through the pandemic. And women are resilient. That is my theme. They overcame all of the barriers of not having partners in the prenatal visits with their provider and having to potentially get COVID tested or not having their mother at their birth if that was their wish or any other visitors besides a doula.
Yeah, that was another thing. I know a couple doulas, and mostly knowing you, with a whole agency of doulas – I feel like if you don’t know anyone who’s a doula or you don’t have a community like that, where are resources that you could call? Not that they’ll all always be available to you if you don’t plan for it, but I’ve heard of women – and maybe you can give some insight into this – but I’ve heard of women as early as two weeks before their due date – well, the one I know in particular, she quickly realized the hospital was just not on board for her birth plan, and she just really felt an urgency that this is not how I’m supposed to do this. And she was able to get a doula. And she did not switch hospitals, but she got a doula, and she felt so much more prepared and confident because she had the doula with her for the birth. And she brought on a doula very last minute, like within a couple weeks, and that made all the difference for her.
So there’s just certain things. Having different plans in place and contacts and people you could reach out to, and doing all that in advance. Like, don’t wait until the last minute to find those resources. You might need those resources last minute, but you already know who you’re calling. That can make all the difference.
100%. If you don’t know your options, then you don’t have any. So having doulas who know all the resources in the community, whether it’s a birth doula or a postpartum doula, to support you, not only emotionally and physically but with those resources. So again, you know what to pack in your bag. You’re prepared if you unexpectedly deliver on the way to the hospital. And if baby comes early or later than you imagined, you have the support that you need.
Absolutely. There’s a part of the book – and a lot of preparedness books will have this. They’ll talk about what should be in your everyday carry. EDC, they call it. It’s kind of a trend on socials and stuff, especially people that carry for military and they carry weapons and stuff – they’ll have what’s called everyday carry. Well, I have a section of the book called Everyday Carry: Mom Edition. What all moms should always have on them. Of course, we’ve got things like band aids, and I include an all-natural balm. There’s one locally made by Cindy’s Suds. I think you know Cindy. She’s based in Lowell.
Yes, I love Cindy!
Her balm can be used for a little boo-boo, a scrape, a diaper rash, chapped lips, you name it. It’s a miracle worker for all different things. So always having a stick of that. And an organic lollipop. I always say dye free because I definitely have children who are sensitive to certain colors. Little lollipops or treats, for multiple reasons. Especially in a tough situation or something bad happens or someone gets hurt or you saw a terrible accident or you’re trying to get your kids to come to you or leave a store or leave a place in an emergency because you need them to listen now – sometimes nothing works as great as a treat, as a lollipop. So there’s certain things I included that you just wouldn’t find in a traditional preparedness book because as moms, we know there are some things that just work.
And a lot of books will talk about some things that are actually impractical for most of us to carry on ourselves every day, but I included some basics. And then from a protection standpoint, there are ones that I learned about on my research and thought, oh, I don’t think a lot of moms know this. If you’re not comfortable carrying things like a taser or a firearm or some kind of weapon, there are tactical flashlights. Flashlights can be so bright that they actually are used in a tactical self defense way if it’s dark and someone’s approaching your car and you’re getting the kids into car seats – again, a situation that happened to me.
It was during the writing of this book, and a man who had gotten off the bus stop was coming right toward us in this empty parking lot. In Michigan, in the winter, it can go from light to dark around 5:15 in the winter. And in that moment, I felt very vulnerable. I still had two more little ones to buckle in to their car seats as the other ones are going around the car and to the back, and here I still had my back outward, and I just felt very vulnerable in that moment. And I realized in that moment, if something did happen, this would not be good. I don’t know what I would do. So I would take that fear; I would take that unpreparedness that I felt, and I dove into, what could I have done in that scenario, and what could I have done? I’d ask one person and they’d tell me all kinds of big scary things I could do that I’m not ready for. But what are some first steps? And I share that whole variety in the book.
A very simple one are these very high-powered flashlights. Search for tactical flashlight if you’re looking on Amazon or something. If you shine that at someone walking at you, you’re letting them know. It’s like using your voice. I know you’re there. I see you. And I’m alert. And I’m watching. And if they get close enough, they can’t actually see. You’re blinding them. A lot of them are big enough that if you need to use it to kind of swat at someone or hit someone, you could.
These are things I had never thought about, and I went to some of these experts, self defense people, former military, people who’ve worked in police academy and they gave me their tips. Those kinds of things to me were eye opening because I was like, okay, I was in this scenario. I didn’t really know what to do. I think I could be better prepared.
So helpful. And I agree, between grocery store parking lots or parking ramps, if you’re in and out of a hospital, for example, just knowing your surroundings and having options because, yeah, I’m not comfortable carrying a taser, but there are other ways that you can protect yourself.
Yes. I pulled up my handy-dandy graph that I have in the book. First, I talk about all different types of defense tools, and then I have a graph that lists them all. It starts out with pepper sprays and gels, and it lists the pros and cons of using it. One of the pros is you can use it from a distance. A con would be that if it’s windy, it wouldn’t work well for you. But then there’s tasers. There are stun guns. There are personal alarms, and those you can just keep on your keychain. There’s tactical pens and devices and then those tactical flashlights. And those are all nonlethal forms of personal protection.
I have little stories of a lot of moms but also men and grandparents throughout the book, and a lot of them have used their skills or their stories or challenges that they’ve overcome. In the book, we’ve got Bethany Hamilton. She was the surfer who had the shark attack, and now she’s the mother of four. She has one arm, and she does incredible things. She’s an advocate, and I see videos of her working out every day, and I think, oh, man, I have no excuse.
My friend Dan, who I just met at the coffee shop right here where I live – you’ve probably seen Dan out and about. Dan was always in the coffee shop making these hokey-looking things. Like, he always had all this stuff spread out on the table. One day – this was like 15 years ago – I came up to him and I said, okay, I got to ask, what are these things? And he has a device called Push Defense, and it’s for runners. He is a former purple heart veteran. He’s a retired police officer. He has seen some of the worst of the worst, and yet he funnels all of his energy into creating this very simple device so runners or people going out to their cars, they can go from nothing to something. He said this one little step, to go to something – everyone should feel safe and comfortable carrying this. It’s not even a knife. It’s like a long metal thing. There’s a picture of it here in the book. Having something to reinforce and to give you that added layer of protection, he knows can literally save your life and would be better than nothing.
So much of the book is really helping moms go from a place of feeling completely helpless to just taking that next step. And once you take that next step, maybe you’re okay there. Maybe that’s all you needed. But it might inspire you to dive in a little more here, a little more there. Maybe then you want to start looking at your food situation and thinking, wow, we love eggs. My family eats a lot of eggs, and eggs are very expensive right now or they’re just hard to come by. So let me think about, what does it look like to source my eggs locally or support my local farmer or to raise my own chickens for eggs? All of those little steps are in the book.
And you probably remember, Kristin, you’re one of the few people I talk to who probably remembers passionate vegan Emily.
Yes, I remember that very well!
Yes! I mean, it was a long time. It wasn’t just a blip of a phase. It was a pretty long season of my life. And people grow and change, and for me, coming into motherhood and really looking at where I was getting my food and how we were meant to eat and realizing so much of the food I was eating was processed soy stuff that I didn’t feel was the best for my body – so I’ve really come to a new place about what I think is important in how we should be eating.
But then once we were eating meat, I thought, okay, well, how can we take it a step further? In the book, that was probably the most uncomfortable part; my biggest learning experience and my biggest thing that I felt would be really cool for me to explore was hunting. I do talk about and share my first steps into hunting, and I harvested and butchered my first animal. I went through the entire process from the hunting to the field dressing and the butchering and bringing it home into my freezer and learning to prepare and cook and provide for my family all the way from field to fork. That was really incredible.
Wow! Big change from being a vegan who was an animal lover, and you not only hunt, but actually process and preserve your game.
Yeah. I really felt that I wanted to be there for every step of it. Once I harvested a doe, and she was my doe, and I thanked her for her life – understanding that I’ve never really given my family food that has lived its most wild and free life. Most of the food, even with small, ethical farms, they live their whole life on a farm, and they were raised to be meat, to be food. And I thought, as I learned more about conservation and learned more about letting animals live wild and free and to a certain level of maturity and then you’re able to source them in that ethical way – it was a completely clean shot, so there was no pain involved – and actually, I felt more at peace than I expected. I mean, there were definitely tears shed, which is probably normal, but then I wanted to be with my doe for that whole process of field dressing. And now, learning how to even cook the food – and I tell you what, I’ve never not wasted a little bite of food as much as now. I’ve been so careful not to waste this doe. It’s been a learning experience.
That reminds me of the survival shows where you get into that dilemma. You need to eat, and man did always hunt in the past and fish and pick berries. We may be in a situation where we need to be more self-reliant. You mentioned natural disasters. I love that you incorporated so much as far as self-preservation and food. Clean and safe water is a serious issue, too.
Oh, well, that happened during the book, too! I do think it was a really interesting thing. I was like God is giving me some lessons – like, I knew I was on the right path because while I was writing the section on water filtration – I am not kidding you – I was doing my research on water filtration, and of course, I discover all the different methods you can use and the cool companies now that make awesome gadgets that filter your water. There’s a company that makes these huge containers for your garage, and you calculate how much you need for each person in your household. You want a gallon a day at least. You’re ultimately wanting to prepare for up to two weeks and then grow it beyond that. I did the math, and I was, like, I want to have two gallons a day for each person and I want to be prepare for three months. I calculated how many gallons we need, and there’s these massive tanks you can get for your garage, and they’re not cheap. I will say they’re not cheap. And my husband saw me walk by with a measuring tape, and I walk back in, and I was like, okay, figured it out. We’re going to go up along that back wall. We’re going to get four of these tanks, and he instantly was like, no. This is ridiculous. We’re not – first of all, we live in Michigan. We need our garage for actual cars and all the scooters and bikes and stuff, especially in the winter, and we’re not giving up that precious space. We’re not giving up that money right now, you name it. Twenty minutes later – I was kind of huffing and puffing and walked away, and I was working on dinner, and our phones went off with that emergency blast. Well, it was a water advisory for the Grand Rapids area, because that is when we had tens of thousands of people without water at all, and they were lining up over the course of a few days to get bottled water in town. Everyone else was under a boil advisory. This was just last year.
I remember. I lined up to get water.
Oh, my goodness, did you? And thank God, I said, we have water. Water is coming out of our faucet, and we have a filter so we can filter the water and we can boil it. Actually, I think I did both – ran it through the filter and then still boiled it because I was Googling, can everything get through this filter? So we were boiling it. And I was like, thankfully we have water to boil! What if our faucets were dry? I was like, this is kind of wild. I look at my husband, and I’m like, don’t those big water containers sound good right about now?
We still have not gotten those. In the meantime, you can literally just go buy bottled water or the gallons of water, enough that you have them on a shelf in the garage or somewhere and have the right filter. It happens as easy as that, out of the blue when you’re least expecting it, you may be without water for a few days. We just had our friends to the north, some of them – over a couple hundred thousand people without power, I believe still. They were going on day five or six. It’s devastating. Some outlets are calling it similar to a war zone because there’s only fuel location, one gas station that still had power. All these people are running on generators, but you need the gas to keep those running, and they weren’t able to get it. So the lines were just – I mean, you couldn’t see the end to the line of people trying to get to that one gas station. And then people don’t have water; they don’t have cell service. And it was simply from a winter storm. That’s all that was.
Not a flood, right. Not an earthquake.
We’re pretty secure here in Michigan from a lot of natural disasters, so we don’t think things like this will happen very often, but they do. There’s so many reasons to think about these things, and you don’t have to go all or nothing. And I’m the type of person, I’m kind of all or nothing. I learn about how important water filtration and having backup water is, and I want to go buy a couple thousand dollars’ worth of jugs and filters and stuff for our garage so we’re set for two months if the hit the fan scenario happens. I kind of feel like I want that or nothing. And I’ve really had to step back from that because I had to learn so much so quickly for the book, and I had to learn, well, what is practical for us right now, and what is just the very next step that is better than nothing? Just having bottles of water ready to go so your kids can have a water bottle as they’re heading off to school or you’ve got something to get you through. That’s better than nothing. Of course, you can keep improving from there and work your way out. I could just go on and on because it’s really like a guidebook on so many levels on a lot of different topics.
I love it. So needed! And honestly, we don’t have the communities that used to care for women, not only during childbirth, but especially after in that postnatal recovery time. Communities would bring food and supplies and help care for the newborn. And we are self-reliant in one way, but we’re almost afraid to ask for help and are so focused on technology that we don’t even know what to do if we’re in a natural disaster or if we are stuck in the middle of nowhere and we’re having to deliver our baby without help anywhere. So again, having those tips that you talked about, the bucket, and a plan and some additional supplies – because I think about not only childbirth, but certainly that postnatal recovery time of the importance of not only clean water but healthy food.
Yes. That is such a great point. I’m so glad you brought that up. It’s actually the very last section of my book. There’s a lot of those soft skills or values, I guess you could say, about motherhood that I included. It could be things like emptying the nest, that transition. You’ve spent your entire life, it feels like, or your children’s lives caring for them and being needed around the clock, and then that transition to them growing and leaving the home – it could be something like that. My very last one is finding your mama bear tribe, and in that, I have the whole intro, and then I say that while online friendships can be convenient and a lifeline of a vital source of emotional support, in person connections are irreplaceable. Showing up for a friend, making a meal, lending a helping hand, bringing coffee, or having some much-needed laughs creates bonds that last in a way of life for generations of women before us.
And I think that’s really true. Our ancestors had the tribe because it was just the way of life. That is how they survived was they had one another. They had self-reliance and they utilized each other’s skills, each other’s talents, and helped one another out, and that is how they lived. And now there are so many ways that people can say, wow, our ancestors would look at all the information, all the help we have at our fingertips with the internet, and they would say, how lucky for them. But I actually think they’d be sad for us because so many of us no longer have the in-person community and that in-person tribe. And it’s so important. So I have just a few tips on building that up.
The first one is, be willing to be first. It’s so easy to kind of sit back and think someone is going to reach out to you, or if they wanted to be my friend, or if they wanted my help, they would let me know. And we have to get used to being uncomfortable making that first outreach or that first connection, that first offer. I talk about connection over perfection. A good story that comes to mind is my friend Terri DeBoer. You probably know Terri?
Oh, yes.
She’s a local meteorologist and author, as well. And she’s that kind of friend that, once or twice a year, she’ll reach out and she’ll be like, hey, you want to get together? I’m driving through. I just got out of work. I’ll grab a coffee and be over in 15. And I’ll look around my house and be like, where do I begin? My house is a disaster. This child is not napping. And the first time she did that to me, it was because her books arrived. The first time your books arrive, they’re in a big box, and she hadn’t seen her book yet, and she called and said, my books arrived. I really want to open them with somebody. Can I swing by? And I knew I couldn’t say no. That touched my heart, and at the same time, I looked around, like, eewww. But I knew I couldn’t say no, so I said sure, of course, see you soon. And I ran around the house with a laundry basket and just started throwing things in the laundry basket. I shoved it in a room and shut the door. And we had such a great time. I filmed her opening her box. She teared up because it had been a dream since she was a little girl to write her first book. I opened up my freezer. I had thrown in a random, cheap bottle of bubbly that we were gifted probably two years ago. It had probably gone bad, I don’t know. But I had thrown it in the freezer as I was running around the house cleaning, so I opened up the freezer and there was the bubbly next to my frozen milk. And it hit me in the moment, like, wow, what different seasons we’re living, because hers is the empty nest and she just wrote her first book, and she took on that project as her children left the house. And I’m still in the thick of motherhood and toddlers and diapers and frozen milk. But we’re both celebrating these new milestones and new life. It was really special, and I wouldn’t have had that moment if I would have cared about perfection.
So setting aside perfection to connect. Maybe you’re not the best cook, but people are going to be so happy you thought of them and cared for them and you’re bringing them those imperfect muffins or a loaf of bread or whatever it may be.
The last tip was to seek our mom-specific groups, and the one that I shared in the book that I discovered is called the Mom Walk Collective. It’s really cool. There’s over 350 chapters all across the country, and they’re moms in different cities that get together. All different kinds of moms, moms of different ages, different lifestyles, different beliefs, you name it. And they all get together and walk. There are strollers. There are baby wearers. There are toddlers walking along, and they get out and they walk. Because in motherhood, sometimes you just need to get out into nature, and you just need to go for a walk. And to do it with other moms is such a special way.
And I know you’ve done those walk challenges in the past, so to have community and other children join you is so beautiful!
I feel like I’m just beginning because I’ve spent a lot of my first decade of motherhood – I wouldn’t call it isolation, but I haven’t had the biggest tribe. I just kind of had my head down and I’ve really relied on a certain support network I’ve had. There have been those online friendships or people like you who have really encouraged me along the way and I’m so grateful for them, but I’m realizing, I need a little more of that in person community. Like, I need to go out of my way to intentionally create it and to carve it out because that is important, too. Everything else in the book, I kind of looked at, where are some of the things that I’m lacking? And I dove into those a little bit.
I am so excited for your big release, and it’s soon!
Yes, it’s going to be available in time for Mother’s Day. If you order now, it’s available now at mamabearsurvival.com/book. You can order it there. There’s some bundling options. If you order during this presale over the next few weeks, you’re also entered to win my presale giveaway, which is really cool. I’m actually splitting it into two different giveaways because it’s getting pretty big, but a bunch of different brands in the book are offering supplies and gear to help get you started or to continue your preparedness journey. And it will officially be available and shipping around May 1st. It will be on Amazon then, so you’ll be able to grab it there. I’m doing some different events and popups around town that I’ll have on my website. And you’ll be able to gift it in time for Mother’s Day. So if you order and you bundle some copies, it’s a great Mother’s Day gift because it’s really like a coffee table book. Even if someone doesn’t think they’re into any of these topics – which there’s some kind of topic every mom would be into – but it just looks pretty. I had a wonderful designer named Alyssa Pippin, and I have beautiful photography from a bunch of different people who contributed to it. It was definitely made for the visual learner and to help inspire and encourage.
So exciting! And then you had mentioned your podcast, Mama Bear Survival. How can our listeners connect with you on all the socials and find your podcast?
Yeah, just mamabearsurvival.com. Everything is linked there. I’m most active on Instagram. And I want to be able to share this, too, with my listeners. Kristin, I had so many questions I was going to ask you, so we might have to do a part two.
From a preparedness aspect, was there anything I kind of forgot that you think, oh, these are just a couple, easy things – especially in the pregnancy or postpartum phases – that if you haven’t thought about from a preparedness aspect – do you have any quick takeaways for people listening?
Absolutely. Again, focusing on that postnatal recovery time as much as you plan for your birth and certainly the baby shower. Many of my doula clients love the meal trains, whether it’s from friend groups or church. Focusing on the healthy, nourishing food and what would help you with the depletion that happens in the postnatal time, especially if you’re pumping or breastfeeding, then you really need to make sure you’re getting the right minerals and nutrients. And whether it’s a healthy meal plan or friends customizing snacks or meals based on your dietary goals and needs, rather than bringing that pan of lasagna, for example, that’s not really going to help truly nourish you. And I’m thankful for a lot of the books that are out now on postnatal recovery, especially with recipes and meals. The First 40 Days is one of my favorites. Focusing on that warming, healing food and teas, the way they do in a lot of traditional cultures like Malaysia, for example.
Yes! Actually, that book comes to mind when I think of a beautiful coffee table book that just encourages and inspires mothers, and that was one that was definitely in the back of my mind as I wrote my book. I’ve always loved that book and loved flipping through it. I could look at it right now, and I’m not going to be experiencing the first 40 days again, but I just love that book.
It is beautiful! And we are not meant to do this alone, so I love that you incorporate gathering and a community. So don’t be afraid to ask for help and if something feels off, trusting our instincts. And you’re talking about these instincts as mothers and that women have in general for survival, the way we nest before we deliver. I feel like we need to speak up not only if something is off with our own health and be our own advocate, but also understanding our children and certainly newborns and if something is off, say something, because women are still dying in children. Our infant mortality rates need improvement. So be that mama bear and advocate for your family.
Yes. It was like a survival mechanism to advocate for myself through every birth. There are certain things that you want, that you believe in, and you have to advocate for yourself because my experience – and I did hospital births for all mine, what I call natural hospital births, various ways. And it’s crazy because you’ll be in your most vulnerable state, and you want all your energy and your focus to prepare for giving birth. And on the flip side, unless you have a great doula or the hospital hires a great doula that does that for them that they’re in sync with – you are having to be the strongest advocate you’ve ever had to be for you and your baby, and it’s pretty wild that you’re thrown in the most physically exerting time of your life, the most vulnerable time. All that’s coming to a peak. It’s pretty wild. I mean, I loved it. I was like, I’ve got this. I know what to do. I know what to say. I can handle it all. With the last one, I mostly thought, I’m going to lock myself in the bathroom and mostly labor on the toilet and no one will bother me there.
Right, the interruptions can distract you from doing the work of labor.
It really can.
And the lights. There are so many things that you can do, and I’ve talked about it on previous Ask the Doulas podcasts, about making a hospital room feel like home. You’ve helped me with some of the media related to that topic in general. But it’s so important to really create a space that makes you feel safe. Why do animals labor in dark, quiet corners, for example? It’s because they’re safe and they’re not getting interruptions.
And for most of us, being in a bathroom with the door shut feels safe. That’s where we go to let our body do our natural thing. So I’m going to go there because then no one’s going to be able to bother me. And there was a moment that they still kind of – if you’re in a hospital, one thing to be prepared for is it is still their job, the nurses have a job, to interrupt every so often to get certain vitals, get certain things. And you kind of have to remind yourself there’s certain things -you can say no to things. Be prepared, though, because you are fighting a system. You are going into that system, so you are playing by their rules, and now if you want to fight certain things, you’ve got to make it very clear, and you’re going to have to be strong and you’re going to have to advocate. By the fourth time around, I thought, I’ve got this. I can do it. So I was in the bathroom, and I got a knock at the door. And my husband’s like, someone’s here. She says she has to do a quick ultrasound. I was like, ultrasound? This is go time. We’re having this baby. What do you mean, ultrasound? And this has never happened with my other previous ones. And she said, oh, yeah, we have to just double check the baby’s head is down. What? No. It’s too late. We’re going now. We knew. Nothing has changed. And she was like, well, we have to, and then she kind of pulled that card on me, and I’m still kind of angry because it’s the one thing I gave into. I was like, okay. What happened? I went from labor progressing wonderfully, naturally, easily, to having to go lay on my back, become very uncomfortable as these surges were coming, so that she could do an ultrasound to see if the baby’s head was down, which I was like, they felt the baby’s head when I arrived. We knew. It was ridiculous and it was completely unnecessary. And in that moment, I should have said no thank you and shut the door and just said, I’m not doing that, because I could have. I have that right. I really did.
Yes, you’re a consumer.
But they will make you think you don’t have the right. So my recommendation is, if you don’t know these things, if you don’t feel 100% secure in them, go through a program or a class. I know Gold Coast Doulas has all kinds of classes and cool webinars, and doulas, and you can talk to someone who knows and go through and say, well, am I allowed to deny this? Am I allowed to say this? What do I do if this scenario happens? And play out all the scenarios and ask them to give you the scenarios you’re not even thinking of so that you feel 100% confident when you go because it was just one of those things. I was like, okay, some new protocol? What are they going to do, kick me out of here when I’m about to have a baby? No. I should have just said no. All kinds of things will come over you in that moment when most of your body – I feel like your intelligence and your strength and everything is going toward delivering that baby. Your mind will play tricks on you. So I was like, wait, is it – do I need this for safety? You start to question yourself.
Exactly, and your own instincts and focus and getting all that oxytocin going. And then there’s an interruption and a little bit of that crisis feeling, and then things stall and slow down and it takes time for your body to get back into the natural rhythm of surges or contractions, depending on what you call them.
And actually what happened is as the woman was doing the ultrasound – she wasn’t part of the nurses or the delivery crew that was there. I was getting ready to have a contraction, and I was like, just wait a minute, and I was preparing. It was a med free birth with no epidural. The contraction came. I’m definitely not one of those super quiet laborers. That has never been my style. And the contraction was over, and she said, you need something for the pain. And she looked at my husband like she was concerned for me. I was like, no, no, I don’t. She did the ultrasound, and I had another contraction. She was like, I can get someone in here. You can get the epidural still. And my husband was like, no. It was really frustrating that she had never read my birth plan. She didn’t know my wishes. There’s a lot of reasons I choose not to do an epidural, and it’s okay if you choose to do one, but if it is my choice and it’s on my birth plan, I certainly don’t want you encouraging me in my weaker moments. And someone who’s not even part of the birth plan. I had the doctor who’s there, the nurses who were there – they knew my birth plan. They weren’t going to offer it up. They knew that I knew I could ask for it at any time. So that really angered me, too, because I was like, what is she doing here? There are always fun birth stories like that.
Yes, and again, advocating for yourself. Birth or whatever you’re going through in life doesn’t happen to you and you’re not a victim. You are making informed decisions every step of the way. With birth, the preparedness comes in pregnancy and taking classes and reading books and understanding studies to be able to advocate. And in these situations in parenting, it’s knowing your options, having a community, being prepared for emergencies or – I mean, we may have another pandemic situation down the road where you can’t go to the grocery store and you are stuck at home. So just understanding that you have options. And I love that you interviewed experts. You could have written so many different types of books, Emily. It could have been your own personal experience as a journalist or a publicity focus or a memoir of your own experiences, but I love that you are helping moms everywhere with this guide.
Thanks, Kristin. I just wrote the book that I needed. I really just wanted a more useful and encouraging and insightful guidebook for parenting in today’s world. It’s rapidly changing, and who knows, maybe I’ll have to rewrite the whole thing in a couple years, but I really hope that it’s the timeless skills, the timeless encouragement. Like you said, it all boils down to our intuition, and we can prepare all we want, and we should do all those things you mentioned heading into birth. But a part of that is learning how to listen to and trust our intuition. We were born with that intuition. It’s a part of who we are. And it can really be dimmed and it’s hard to hear it sometimes in today’s digital culture and noisy atmosphere that we live in. So honing that because everything could change. The thing you least expect could happen. The thing that you didn’t prepare for might just happen. And that’s when we have to rely on that mother’s intuition.
Absolutely. I can’t agree more. Well, thank you again, and one more time, how can our listeners connect with you and order your book?
Thank you so much for having me, Kristin. This is a joy to reconnect with you and to chat. You can visit us over at Mama Bear Survival. I say us because I’m kind of building a little community there of likeminded moms who want to grow in resilience and preparedness and these traditional skills. Order the book; that’s the first step, and you’ll get all the pre-launch goodies when you preorder there.
Thank you! And we will have to continue our conversation in the future.
Absolutely.
IMPORTANT LINKS
Birth and postpartum support from Gold Coast Doulas