May 6, 2025
Roadmap to Raising Children: Podcast Episode #289
Kristin Revere and Dr. Karen Molano discuss the importance of pregnancy and the first five years of parenting. Dr. Karen Molano is a child psychologist and infant, family, and early childhood specialist. She utilizes her LumiTot Method to guide families through pregnancy and the first five years, providing them with a roadmap to raising children.
Hello, hello! This is Kristin Revere with Ask the Doulas, and I am thrilled to chat with my friend Dr. Karen Molano. Dr. Karen owns LumiTot. She is a psychologist and infant, family, and early childhood specialist, and our topic today is the importance of pregnancy and the first five years. Dr. Karen Molano is a child psychologist, as I mentioned. She’s got over 20 years of experience and utilizes her LumiTot method to guide families through pregnancy and the first five years, providing them with a roadmap to raising children.
Her innovative and multidimensional parenting approach merges neuroscience with functional medicine and eastern principles, supporting holistic growth and deep, lasting connection.
As a mother and a passionate educator, Dr. Molano empowers parents to unlock their children’s limitless potential and foster a transformative family environment.
Welcome, Karen!
Lovely to be here! Thank you so much for having me!
Yes, I am thrilled to reconnect and chat about this important topic! Our listeners have had a lot of questions about the impact they can make during pregnancy on the development of their infant, and there are so many theories. I’m sure you would love to share, whether it’s talking to your baby in the womb or music, I’m excited to hear your thoughts on this topic.
Absolutely. It’s such an important topic and so passionate in my heart because in my experience, we often approach parenting as a throw spaghetti at the wall type of technique because we’re not really taught or guided how to do it. We’re supposed to know how to do it, and when we don’t do it “right,” then we’re judged for what we’re doing. So it’s definitely a struggle, and I think this is why as parents we experience so much guilt and doubt in ourselves and shame and wondering if we’re doing things right, if we’re really doing the best we can for our kids.
Yes. And there is that doubt that creeps in, no matter if it’s baby one or even with a seasoned family, as we support at Gold Coast Doulas. It could be baby five, and there’s still some doubt. I think because things change so frequently and there are mixed forms of advice, whether it’s online or from friends, family, or even health professionals.
I 100% agree with you. That is so true, because even when you have several children, the reality is that every single child is an individual. They’re a little being with their own way of being and their own systems and own perceptions, and even us as parents, we evolve, and we change. And so those dynamics come together, and it almost feels like you’re brand new to parenting.
Exactly. And children’s temperaments can be different, their feeding needs. I’ve found even with feeding my kids, I had different struggles compared to what my friends experienced and the advice they were giving me.
Yes. And I think one of my experiences when I’ve been working with families is that we often try to push whatever we’re prescribed. Do this thing. But we often don’t check in with ourselves and with our children to make sure that it makes sense for our family. So I think it’s so important that no matter what we do and how we do it, that we’re checking in and making sure that it’s something that aligns with who we are as individuals. And if it doesn’t, to take a look and see, is there something there? Is there belief or something that I believe in that’s keeping me from reaching that next goal, or is this thing I’m trying to do just not in alignment with my family and my child? And I think it’s stuff we often miss when we are implementing techniques and ways of doing things.
Absolutely. And that time to intentionally connect – let’s talk about that for a minute. Pregnancy can be so busy, everything from managing a career to setting up the nursery and planning. Oftentimes, my clients are remodeling their home or moving into a home, so a lot of life transitions, or starting a new career. How do you find that intentional time not only for the pregnant individual, but also to involve a partner, if there is a partner?
Absolutely. That is such a great question because you are absolutely right, we have a tendency to fill our cup with so many things. I remember when I was pregnant, just trying to figure out which stroller I was going to buy was a job in and of itself. And then there’s all these other gadgets and things. So we do prepare. We spend a lot of time preparing. But I believe that society has led us to prepare the core of what is really going to make a difference in parenting and in raising a child. So when we spend the time up front – and it doesn’t have to be anything crazy. Even just the intentionality of being more intentional as to what we’re doing, how we’re doing it, and why we’re doing it – but when we take that time in the beginning, our entire parenting journey shifts because in the womb, that little brain is forming. It’s already forming. It’s already becoming a little human. There are other organs that are also forming that are going to impact the way our children eat, the way our children behave, the way our children think, and how the brain, the body, and the heart come together. And so it’s something that we don’t think about as much. But even just taking the time to find your balance, to find a connection with yourself, first and foremost, because we’re just as important. And then connecting to your child in the womb, even just knowing that you can connect, even if they’re not in your arms, just sitting with that intentionality of thinking about them, of imagining that energy. I like to imagine a cord from your heart to their heart, and you can just visualize this. And that alone – babies are able to feel and sense, even in the womb, as early on as in the first 50 days. So to be intentional with the way you’re connecting, I think, is key to starting that process of connection.
I agree. And certainly whether it’s the baby in the womb or a toddler, they can sense when their parents are anxious or stressed or exhausted, and they pick up on that. So it is important to take that time and as you said, focus on yourself, because we can’t parent properly unless we’ve taken care of ourselves.
Yes. And I think as parents, we often sacrifice that time to give it to our children. I like to think of it as being selfish to be selfless. When we’re selfish and we take care of that foundation and we take care of us and when we pay attention to where we are at, we become better beings, not just for our children and for ourselves, but for everybody else around us, for our partners, for our family unit. And that is first and foremost. It’s always going to be the foundation to anything and everything that we do.
So what are some of your top tips for focusing on the first five years? You mentioned some tips with being intentional about pregnancy.
One of the beliefs that I have that I stand for and that I’ve seen in my 25 years of doing this work is that every single challenge we have, every single struggle, happens because we’re disconnected. Disconnected on various levels: disconnected from ourselves, from our body, from others, from the world around us, from our children. And when we can take a moment and just ask ourselves, where is the disconnection coming from? It can be as simple as just taking a moment and asking ourselves. For example, after we have a baby, we often become very disconnected from our body. We start feeling this fatigue, this tiredness. And we believe as mothers, often, like, well, I just had a baby. I’m supposed to be happy. And we ignore our own feelings and what our body is telling us. We’re expected to do all these things. And so that right there is a disconnection from our bodies. What do our bodies need? Do they need rest? Do they need nourishment? And just stopping and asking. Am I disconnected from myself? Oftentimes, when we’re disconnected from ourselves, commentary is awful. Like, the things we say to ourselves, we would never say to any other human ever. So just stop and ask, where’s the disconnection coming from? And that alone is going to give you some sort of – whether it’s a thought or a feeling or maybe your body will respond. You’ll feel it in your body. And then you can start there.
Maybe it’s something really simple. Maybe I just needed to get up and walk around and step outside of my home and get some fresh air. And then you can start – that is going to start the process of reconnecting because connection is key to everything.
As a doula, we do focus a lot on our clients’ needs emotionally, and as you mentioned, nourishment and rest. But bonding with baby during those first several weeks is so important. But if you’re depleted, and as you mentioned, just feeling that you have nothing left to give, then there’s not much there, and the risk of perinatal mood disorders will increase, the more that you are not nourishing yourself and resting. So it definitely is important. Even as you mentioned, taking a step outside with a cup of tea and feeling more like your pre-pregnancy self.
And I think when you do that, when you just take a moment for you, now it’s a lot easier to focus on your little one. Now it’s going to be easier to get lost in that connection. And it doesn’t have to be anything crazy. Children are incredibly sensitive beings, so all the senses; touch, the way you look at them, the smell. They can smell you, and they know that it’s mommy or daddy. Those very simple moments, just being in the proximity of your child, is going to lead to connection because they know mommy is nearby. I can smell her. Which I think is incredible, how babies can pick up on their parents’ smell.
Looking at them when you talk to them, when you’re feeding them. I think especially in today’s world, where we’re so incredibly busy and distracted, that whether you’re using a bottle or you’re breastfeeding, that you take that moment, that time of feeding, as a time of connection. So look at them, actually look at them in their eyes. One thing I love that babies do to get the attention of their parents – when they stop sucking, what do we do? We usually jiggle them or we talk to them, like, oh, keep eating! That’s their way of saying, I want to connect, mom or dad! I’m here, look at me! And we think they just stopped eating. I think it’s phenomenal how they can do that and tell us what they need. And so if we can pay attention to those little cues, it’s going to be a lot easier to connect directly to them in a way that is more deep, more meaningful, and it’s going to really help you in the long run, help the development of the brain, help the development of the body, because it goes both ways.
Just as the parent is releasing chemicals that are going to help them heal and feel good, it’s the same for that child. And their little brain, the architecture of their brain is building. So as parents, we have an opportunity to really shape the way their brains are built and to really think about and be intentional about how their little brains are going to be wired. That wiring is going to lead to the beliefs they have throughout their entire life. How they see themselves, how they see the world, and how they see the people around them.
And you mentioned having that connection, and whether it’s tummy time or bath time, the importance of touch. And as you mentioned, looking into their eyes and connecting, not only verbally, but just that physical connection is so important.
It really is, and children have a universal language that is that you have to be very aware of it. And as parents, we often are. We notice all these little things. Oh, they did this and they did that, because I always believe parents are the experts on their children. But when we are more intentional and more aware of what’s going on, there are little cues that children give us before they have the meltdowns, before they need things. When they’re telling us, I want more of this or I want less of this thing. So if we can start learning their language and paying attention to even the slightest of moves and what the body does – they have an entire language that’s just phenomenal to me to learn and understand because it really does make the parenting journey so much easier when we know what our children are saying and what they need.
Yes, absolutely. And what are your tips for engaging other caregivers, if grandparents are involved in childcare or the partner or a nanny? How do you involve some of this parenting philosophy to others who would then have an impact on your child?
I love that question because I definitely see that often. The bulk of the work goes to moms. Society has kind of instilled that in us, I think, as mothers because we are the gatekeepers. We are the ones that decide and take the lead most of the time; not always. One tip is to pay attention as parents as to how we’re inviting others in. I’ll give an example. Let’s say you’re a mom and you want dad to come in and learn how to change those diapers and do it with you. Often what we do and don’t even realize we’re doing is that we may say something like, don’t do it that way. Do it this way instead. Or oh, no, he doesn’t like it that way. Or you’re being too gentle, or you’re being too rough. And so what happens is that the other caregiver – dad or a grandmother or nanny – they start to feel like maybe I don’t know how to do this as well as you, so they start to back off and they don’t want to be as involved. And then as mothers, we become more resentful because people aren’t supporting us in the way we want. It’s this paradox. It’s just natural. We’re gatekeepers by nature. It’s just how we’re built.
So if we’re aware of the fact that we often can push others away instead of bringing them in – that alone is going to change the language as to how we involve others. And you can be on the same page, but allow other people to be who they need to be and learn at their pace and do things in a way that maybe is a little bit different from you, and that’s okay, because we learned. We had to do it the first time, and we had to figure it out. And so to allow a little bit more space for others to also figure it out, I think, is really going to help so that people feel like they’re of value, that people feel like they’re also accomplished in meeting these goals on their own.
It’s so important. I know even with my daughter, who was in the NICU and we struggled with feeding – I took an infant massage class and involved my husband in the class, so we went together. And he took turns. But we both had a different way of connecting. And his way of massaging her was different than mine. I agree, if you start to criticize, then people will instinctually back off. And we want everyone to feel connected and involved if they’re taking a caregiving role.
Yes, and having that open communication of saying, let’s do this thing together. What else can we do together? What do you like to do, and how can you become involved so that you’re having the discussion? And I love the fact that you brought up infant massage, because that is such a great way to bring in other caregivers because when you’re massaging a baby, it’s just so neat. It’s such a cool experience. You get lost in in. You’re massaging little feet and little hands, and it’s just such a nurturing, great-feeling activity. And it allows for other people to participate and be a part of something so special. And that can also involve siblings, in a way obviously that is going to make sense for the age of the sibling, but even if you have a toddler, they can be massaging a doll while you’re massaging the baby, and now they feel like they’re part of something bigger. Now everybody comes together, and you come and there’s more connection to the family unit.
So I am interested to hear more about the LumiTot method.
Yes, so the LumiTot method is a method I created because I actually had a really hard time getting pregnant. I wanted to be a mom since I was a little girl, and when the time came, I couldn’t. And that’s when I started learning about eastern medicine and alternative practices. It literally felt like magic for me, the transformation that I had and the way I felt. I was actually able to sustain a pregnancy, because I was having miscarriages, as well, even when I did get pregnant. So I started wondering, if I started incorporating eastern practices and alternative medicine into my work with children, because as a psychologist, I did not learn any of that.
I’ve spent several years, and I continue to learn just about eastern medicine and really getting trained and certified in neurotoxicology, the environment, how toxins affect our behavior, how food affects our mood – and I’ve brought all of that together into a method that looks at multiple dimensions of health so that we are targeting the root, which again, I go back to disconnection, because a lot of times with anything, even when it comes to nutrition or the environment we’re in, we can always trace it back to some sort of disconnection. And so if we can integrate these various pillars and see that everything is so incredibly connected, we notice that problems either don’t come up, or the ones we’re trying to focus on stop, and then other things just get better in the long run. And so the idea is not just to tackle what’s going on in that moment, but to really look at a lifestyle that is going to help our children and our families thrive from the moment of conception all the way up to old age. The method is meant to really shift the trajectory of our children’s lives.
And I love that it stemmed from personal experience and having the clinical training but involving so many other disciplines. It’s a beautiful process. How can our listeners work with you through LumiTot?
Absolutely. I’ve created programs to help parents create a roadmap to parenting that is unique to them, to their families, and to their children. And so that way, you have a place where you can go and be able to find solutions to everyday problems, but really to create a lifestyle that you can implement in your home. And so I created a series of programs, all virtual, because I wanted to make it as easy as humanly possible for parents, where it’s on the go and easy to take in the information, but it’s not going in and learning. It’s a program that’s meant to be very interactive, integrative, so that you can transform yourself. A lot of times, parents that go through my programs say, I thought I came in here for my child, but I ended up changing who I am as an individual, and I feel more true to who I am. Changing in the sense of being more of who we really want to be in this world and stepping more into that authentic version of us.
Right now, I’ve created a workshop. It’s called the Connected and Confident Workshop, and what it’s meant to do – it’s for expecting parents up until about the five-year mark, and it’s meant to help you really connect on a deeper level and to raise your level of confidence as a parent. Those are the two main goals. And within it, I actually teach infant massage so that you can learn how to massage your little one. So that’s the fun stuff that I have going on right now. It’s recently launched for parents because I feel like that connection part is so important. And having some sort of foundation before you even have your baby, which I think a lot of it, too, is what you do in your work. It’s really helping parents and families prepare for that piece.
Yes, and at Gold Coast, we teach HypnoBirthing, which is very mind-body focused and involves connection. So I love that you take it even a step further. And I agree that preparation should begin in pregnancy because when we’re in the thick of parenting and exhausted, it’s harder to take in the information.
100%. And the other thing that we don’t think about is that when you’re expecting, you actually start practicing some of these things that maybe you might not be aware of doing in the womb, but you start during pregnancy. And by the time your child is here, you don’t even think about it. You just naturally do it because you’ve wired your brain to just naturally and automatically do certain things instead of having to learn everything all at once. Huge difference.
Forming habits is key. I love that. Any final tips for our listeners, Dr. Molano?
Absolutely. One that I love to give is just the reminder that there’s nothing wrong with us, that we’re exactly where we need to be as parents, that we’re always doing the best we can with the tools that we have, and to just remember that you are perfect exactly where you are, and you’re just in a process of evolution, so just kindness to ourselves, kindness to remember that you are divine and you are worthy, and where you are, your child can connect to you, and you can connect to your little one in the most incredible ways possible.
I love it. So beautiful! How can we find you, whether it’s your website or social media?
Yes. Everything is LumiTot. Lumitot.com. And the same goes with socials. I try to keep everything as easy as possible. Instagram, Facebook, most socials – you’ll find LumiTot, or you can find me, as well, on socials as Dr. Karen Molano.
And then I also have a fun quiz that I’ve created to help parents figure out how deep their bond is with their children. It’s a quiz that will take you through and give you an outcome and give you tips as to how you can improve your connection with your children at the end of that quiz. You can go and take that. You can find that on my website.
Well, thank you again, and I will have to have you back on down the road to chat about something new that you have going on. Or we can tackle mental health next time.
I love that. I would love to be back. This is so wonderful. I’m so grateful for the work that Gold Coast is doing. I think it’s so incredibly important, and it fits together so nicely with everything that I believe in parenting and how to help support parenting. So I’m just so grateful for everything that you’re doing and the work that you’re doing.
Thank you, and I’m grateful for your work! It’s so important!
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