June 2018

Amber Brandt Coziness Consultant

Podcast Episode #30: Amber the Coziness Consultant

How do you make a space cozy when you have children and babies taking over your house?  Amber, The Coziness Consultant, gives us some easy tips for maintaining your sanity during this season of life.  You can listen to this podcast on iTunes and SoundCloud.

 

Alyssa:  Hello.  Welcome to another episode of Ask the Doulas.  I am Alyssa Veneklase, co-owner at Gold Coast, and I’m also a postpartum doula.  Today we are talking to Amber Brandt.  She is The Coziness Consultant.  Hey Amber.

Amber:  Hello.

Alyssa:  We’ve actually gotten some of your advice for our new office space, and I wanted to kind of talk to you about what you do for specifically new moms.  We’re busy; maybe we’re working.  Even if you’re not working, you have a newborn; maybe you also have a toddler at home.  How do you create an environment at home that feels cozy?

Amber:  So the coziness consultant side hustle started as this idea that people need to be comfortable in their own homes, and if we’re not happy and cozy and our spaces aren’t working for us, then our sanity is in question.  And so for me, I just really feel like for starters, people’s homes need to be a reflection of who they are.  When you come home, you should be able to sit down and let your hair down, and people who come to visit should feel welcome and know who you are by being in your space.  So a couple things that I really try to focus on when I’m talking with a client or a new mom, especially, is the idea of capacity, for one; that we can only be and do so much, and there’s this idea that our lives are like a pendulum of work and rest.  When we’re younger and we’re single and we have very few responsibilities, we go to work and then we just rest.  We go to happy hour; we hang out; you know, we do our thing.  And our pendulum is really wide, that swing.  But when we’re a mom, especially a new mom, our pendulums are really short, and instead it’s like your work is picking up this toy and then your rest is a sip of coffee, and then you’re right back to work again.  So finding a way to make your spaces work for you in the season of life that you’re in, I think, is really important.  So capacity, yeah; the fact that you can only be and do so much.  You need to make your spaces work for you, quirks and all.  The other thing that I talk about is intentionality: looking at a space to determine how does it need to be used.  If you have a dining room that also you homeschool in, or you don’t have a good play area because your child’s bedroom is so small and toys are everywhere – figuring out how to wrangle that and make it work.  And then at the end of the day, how do you want to feel in this space?  If you have these issues that every time you come home and you look around, you’re like, well, there’s that pile of papers again, or oh, these toys aren’t wrangled, then it’s going to affect how you feel about the rest of your life.  And so if you can get your home comfortable and cozy and make it intentional and work, then it’s going to take a lot of pressure off of those other areas of your life.

Alyssa:  Yeah, I feel like I’ve had to let go of some of that as a mom.  I mean, it’s funny you talk about that pendulum because before baby, my husband and I – people would come over and be like, does anyone live here?  This place is so neat and orderly; there’s nothing even on the counter.  And now, in my mind, it’s like a toy explosion.  People still come over and they’re like oh, it looks so great still, and I’m like, oh, my God.  In my mind, it’s a mess, but I’m okay with it.  But I’ve figured out what works for me, like what messes – they’re still a little bit contained, like I keep the toy mess back in her room, and I just deal with that maybe once a week.  Have her help me, right?  But the rest is a space that I feel comfortable in, like you said, and I’m comfortable with a certain amount of untidiness.

Amber:  Right, and realizing that it’s a season, that your kids’ diapers are for a season, and that all the toys that make music and sing and drive you insane are for a season, you know, and it’s understanding the time of life that you’re in and finding that balance of making it work and accepting that this is where I am right now.  I have a client who had me come over, and their house is really midcentury-modern inspired, and she had this long channel in her living room, this narrow space, that used to – when the original builders built it, it was a planter, like a built-in planter.  And they had pulled everything out of it, and it was just this hollow, long, rectangular space.  And she said, it’s so awkward; I don’t know what to do with it.  But every Tuesday night, we have these families that come over for dinner, and the kids always just sit on it.  And I was like, well, then make it a bench.  Eventually you can make it a planter again if you want.  You can tear it out if you want.  But for now, if that’s how it’s used, put a cushion on it and make it storage, and make it work for this season of your life that you’re in.  You don’t have to keep it that way forever.

Alyssa:  Right.  It’s good to do things that you’re able to change.  Nothing’s permanent.

Amber:  Well, and I think, too, something as simple as the way that you look at throw pillows.  Knowing the season of your life you’re in, you’re like, okay, well, I can buy a lovely cream pillow that’s going to get trashed.  Or you can either choose a different color, or you can buy the cream pillow, but don’t spend a lot of money on it and it’s disposable.  Or buy an expensive one that has a zipper, and you can wash it.  Find a way that makes sense.  If you really are going to toss your throw pillow when it gets too trashed, that’s okay.  That’s the season of life that you’re in, and eventually you can invest more in it.  But figure out what makes sense for you so that they’re less of a headache, so that you’re not constantly yelling at kids to get their feet off of them, you know.  If it’s something that they can live with and you can live with, and it’s just the season you’re in, then that’s what works, and do that thing.

Alyssa:  We moved into our house and bought a brand-new sofa and had our baby, and I think a week later she spit up all over it.  And I was just, oh, no, it’s a brand-new sofa!  And my husband’s like, this is probably the first time of many that this is going to happen.  You’re just going to have to deal with it.  And it was.  I mean, I think she spit up breastmilk on it a couple times.  I’ve eaten a chocolate chip cookie on it and gotten chocolate on it.  It happens, so you have to just realize that it is what it is.  It’s kids and even me.  I’m messy, too.

Amber:  Well, and you can be mad about it, or you can just shrug it off and say this is where we are.  The same thing happened with us.  We bought a brand-new mattress for our bed, and it was the kind that comes in a box like a Casper.  And it came, and we unrolled it, and it looked so lovely.  And we sat down on it, and Winslow, our daughter, who seemed fine one second earlier, threw up.  Not spit up; just threw up on the new mattress.  There wasn’t even a sheet on it.  And we both just looked at each other like, okay, well, this is our life now.  And it’s like – it’s just what it is, you know?  And we’re all doing that thing, right?  We all have those stories, and we’re all figuring it out.  But whatever you can do to stack the deck in your favor makes a big difference.  Just a couple things that – when I was thinking about coming here today, I thought that I want to leave these women with something really practical.  So I actually came up with just a couple of things that I do that someone shared with me years ago that have made a big difference.  And one of them is buying all-white towels.  A super simple thing, but there’s that long period of time with interior decorating where everyone bought everything that was matchy-matchy, and how many loads of laundry is that?  So I remember someone told me once, buy really expensive, really nice hotel-quality towels that are all white.  Spend some money on it, and then just simplify your life.  And I was like, that’s such good advice.

Alyssa:  Then you can just throw them all in.

Amber:  One load.  One load, done.  And they’re elegant and lovely, and who doesn’t like stepping out of a shower and feeling like it’s sort of luxurious, you know?  The other thing is keeping a box in your basement or in the garage for garage sale items that have actual stickers.  Just put the stickers right in there, so anytime you walk out to the garage or you have something you need to get rid of, you go out and put a – if you’re into the garage sale thing.  If you’re into donating, by all means, donate it.  But if your goal is to sell it eventually, put a sticker on it with the price immediately.

Alyssa:  And then it’s done.  It’s ready.

Amber:  Yeah.  That’s one that I’m still not great about, and every time, I’m like, man, why don’t I do this?  It’s so good.  So two really practical things to take away from the conversation that are just about simplifying your life and making your head space clearer.

Alyssa:  Thinking ahead – sometimes, especially as a new mom, you can’t wrap your brain around it.  You’re living in the moment.  How do I get through this hour and this day?  Not thinking ahead about what will save me time.

Amber:  Yeah.  But if you can find things that are tiny, you know, like the actual effort to walk the thing to the garage and put a sticker on it, is so much more manageable and bite-sized than thinking about pricing an entire pile; collecting those things and then pricing them all.  So two really helpful things that simplify your life.

Alyssa:  I appreciate it.

Amber:  You’re welcome.

Alyssa:  So how do our moms find you?

Amber:  So my website is www.thecozinessconsultant.com.  Same on Facebook; www.facebook/thecozinessconsultant.  I’m also on Instagram, same handle, and I share little tips and some personal insights on Instagram, and that also feeds into my website.  So those are the best places to find me.

Alyssa:  Well, thanks for being here today.

Amber:  Yeah, thank you.

Alyssa:  We’ll have you on again because you are actually a past client, as well.

Amber:  Yes.

Alyssa:  So we’ll have you on to talk about some of that another time.  But thanks for your advice today!

Amber:  Thank you!

Podcast Episode #30: Amber the Coziness Consultant Read More »

kids cook real food

Podcast Episode #29: Kids in the Kitchen

Today on Ask the Doulas, Katie Kimball of Kitchen Stewardship and Kids Cook Real Food talks to us about how to get your little ones started safely in the kitchen.  There’s also a free download, so be sure to listen so you don’t miss it!  You can catch the podcast on SoundCloud or iTunes

 

Alyssa:  Hello, welcome to another episode of Ask the Doulas.  I am Alyssa Veneklase, and today we are talking to Katie Kimball of Kitchen Stewardship.  Hi, Katie.

Katie:  Hi, Alyssa.  Thanks for having me!

Alyssa:  Yeah.  So I actually ran into you at an event a while ago and we started talking.  And I had heard of your website before but dug into it a little bit more after meeting you, and there’s so much information here that I think we could probably do ten different podcasts, but we’re going to focus on one right now, and that’s kids in the kitchen.  And I love this because I have a five-year-old who wants to be in the kitchen all the time, and I still don’t feel safe having her around me for most of the things I’m doing – cutting, boiling water.  So I’m sure I’m not the only one, and you could probably give some tips for me and our listeners about how to start kids in the kitchen.  What do we do and how early; you know, is it too early at two to start a kid in the kitchen?

Katie:  Definitely not, and I usually recommend to parents, as a former teacher myself who learned a lot about childhood development in college and then now teaching an online cooking class for kids – I work with a lot of families, and the earlier, the better, honestly.  I recommend getting kids in a sling or a baby carrier, watching you, you know, handing them carrots and things for them to just put in their mouth and teethe on.  Any experience with food and in the kitchen is a good thing, and so the sooner they can get their hands in, the sooner we can kind of get over ourselves and get them in there, the better.

Alyssa:  That’s a great idea, to put them in a carrier.  I never thought about that, like having them watch you do your kitchen duties, you know, chopping, slicing, without them actually getting in the way.

Katie:  Right, absolutely.  And then even as young as 18 months – you know, they really are highly motivated to be involved at that time, and so we don’t want to waste that, right?  We don’t want to be pushing them out just because we are nervous or unsure or we think they’re going to make a mess.  You know, life is messy at that age; might as well have them close to us.  And so I love having kids that age to be smelling spices and maybe even, you know, put a little spice or herb in your hand and let them touch it and let them put it on their tongue just for experiential sake.  You know, we give our kids butter knives at 18 months or 2 years of age and teach them how to be safe with those butter knives, and then by the time they’re five or six, we’re moving on to sharp knives already, to tell you the truth.

Alyssa:  Oh, wow!  I wish!

Katie:  But it’s a process, and you don’t want to go right to sharp knives, but definitely a butter knife and a banana, with a parent who’s showing you where to put your other hand that’s not holding the knife, is a pretty safe endeavor, and it’s so empowering for the kids to feel like they’ve done something real and helpful.

Alyssa:  Right.  So how do you graduate them?  What does the kitchen look like for a two-year-old versus a five-year-old versus an eight-year-old?

Katie:  Yeah, for me it’s all about counter height.  So if you think about an adult and where the counter feels comfortable, it’s usually about your belly button.  Any higher than that, and your elbows are kind of going awkward when you’re working.  So I try to do the same things for the little ones.  For both the two- and the five-year-olds, I prefer to get them to the table.  Unless you have one of those cool things where the kids can climb right in and be up at the counter without worrying about falling off a chair, I like to get them right to the kitchen table because it’s lower and still on a chair and up on their knees so that they are high up above their food.  They can see what they’re doing, and that keeps them in control and keeps them safe.  Also, they’re out of the kitchen, so there’s less elbow-room-jostling, you know.  Mom or Dad is working in the kitchen, and you’re like, oh, I don’t want people in here.  So if you can teach your kids some skills, and then you can set them up at the table practicing their skills while you’re in the kitchen, you’re still together but they’re not in your way.

Alyssa:  Right.  That’s a great idea because I’m probably just as clumsy as my daughter, and I don’t trust myself half the time with the sharp knife.  So having her too close is probably not a good thing.  So you have a PDF that you’ve been working on for us, specifically, because you have online right now some PDFs for 10 snacks that your kids can make, and they’re healthy, but you have tailored one for us that is preschool-age specifically.  Let’s tell people how to find it and why they’d want to download this.  What’s on it?

Katie:  Yeah, exactly.  You can go to www.kidscookrealfood.com/doula, and Kids Cook Real Food is, again, our online video cooking class for kids.  My kids and I put that together, and we’re offering a totally free download for ten snacks your preschooler can make today, and I think today is the most important word because it’s not – you know, it’s just telling you that they’re easy; it’s possible to get preschoolers, kids who are three and four years old, really, really young, in the kitchen, and not only in the kitchen but doing actual things, not just stirring and dumping ingredients in.  Like, they can really help and do at least half if not all of each of these recipes.

Alyssa:  Right.  So I have your other PDF, the ten snacks kids can make, and I really love that you’ve – because my daughter is just learning how to read, but she can’t read the word tablespoon or teaspoon.  So you actually have these portions called mom, dad, kid, and baby, and my daughter could read those words, and she would know what those are when you set those all out.  So I thought that was a brilliant way to teach that to a preschooler.

Katie:  Thank you!  It’s all about empowering kids to be able to do things on their own, right?  And that helps the whole family.  So when we can teach the kids – first of all, putting things in size order is totally a preschool skill; it’s developmentally perfect for what they’re doing.  So if they can lay out your basic tablespoon, teaspoon, half-teaspoon, quarter, in order, and you just say, this is dad, mom, kid, baby – it’s language they know.  Even if they can’t read those words, we use little picture images.  They’re very easy to see, and so not only can they follow a recipe, really, as long as they know a couple numbers, but you can tell them from across the room, oh, grab the kid-size or grab the mom-size and measure some salt, and they can practice measuring.  We have our kids of that age putting together homemade taco seasoning and homemade ranch dressing mix and dry seasoning mixes.  Or like if I’m doing a slow-cooker meal, a three-year-old could measure out the herbs and the salt that go in there while I’m prepping the rest, and again, they’re genuinely contributing to the family, which for a child that age is halfway to a miracle, right?

Alyssa:  Right!  So how closely do you have to watch a three-year-old who’s putting salt in and accidently pours the whole bottle – I just feel like if I left my five-year-old kind of have total control, who knows how this would end up tasting.

Katie:  Right.  Well, it’s a training thing, right?  So I look at everything in the kitchen as a specific skill.  So once they learn the skill of measuring, where you’re very much next to them and working with them, and it’s not dinner time.  You know, when you’re teaching a new skill, it’s right after lunch when everyone is fed and happy, and you’re going to teach this skill with a big bowl of cheap salt or a 9×13 pan of cheap flour, right?  That’s how we teach the measuring, so it doesn’t matter.  There’s no goal other than teaching them how to measure flat, how to hold things, and then they can practice on something like that.  It’s almost like a center in preschool.  So we’ll have that 9×13 of flour, just throw the lid on, and we can get it out the next day when I’m in the kitchen and they want to be near, and then I can – once I’ve shown them close by, I can kind of direct from a little further away with my words, and so it’s definitely an individual thing.  Once the child has shown that they know how to measure flat – we call it no holes, no hills, so it’s easy to remember, then you can trust them.  Now, I mean, I’ve caught my seven-year-old or eight-year-old almost putting in a third-cup of baking powder.  It’s supposed to be a half-teaspoon.  So everybody makes mistakes, right?  So it’s not always about age.  It’s just an experience thing, and definitely, there’s an audit system where you should be able to look in and know if it’s a teaspoon or tablespoon of salt before you add it, but that’s why we’ll have them measure in small bowls, not into the big pot right away.

Alyssa:  And that kind of leads me to – I was reading somewhere, I don’t know if it was on the PDF or on your website, where at first when you started thinking about doing this and thinking about getting your children involved, it was like thinking about those craft projects where for two months, you’re finding glitter all over the house.  This was kind of the same thing for you, of oh, do I really want to do this?  How do you get over that?  Like clean freaks; you know, I’m a clean freak.  I’m constantly cleaning up after myself in the kitchen so I always have a clean workspace.  You just kind of have to let that go with kids, right?

Katie:  I mean, you really do.  With good training, they are less messy.  There is no guarantee of no mess; that’s impossible, but they are less messy when they know what they’re doing.  So we even teach four or five different ways to stir so there’s not that pop of, you know, you’re stirring and the spoon makes everything fly all over.  Not that that doesn’t still happen; it does, but you work on it.  I think for me, I’m super practical, so as much as I want to be clean, I also know in my head that my kids need these skills.  Eating healthy is really important to me.  I want them to be able to help out because I can’t do it all.  You know, just physically, it’s not going to work, especially the closer my boys get to being teenagers.  Like, I can’t cook that much food by myself!  So I need help, and then I need them to be able to be independent and to feed themselves, right, so we’re raising independent adults, hopefully.  And so I just have to tell myself, this will be worth it.  This is an investment, and it’s totally worth it.

Alyssa:  Yep.  Let it go; that’s kind of the common theme for having children in general, I think, is just let it go.  Let go of some of that control.

Katie:  They teach you a new normal.

Alyssa:  Right, right.  Well, I’m so excited to see this PDF.  Tell us one more time how to find you and how to find the PDF.

Katie:  Yeah, so our online cooking class is at www.kidscookrealfood.com, and then the free gift for listeners is www.kidscookrealfood.com/doula, and that’s 10 Snacks Your Preschooler Can Make Today.

Alyssa:  Amazing.  Thank you, and we’re going to have you on again to talk about kids’ eating habits another time, but thanks for sharing today!

Katie:  Sounds great!  Thanks for having me, Alyssa.

Alyssa:  And as always, everyone, you can find us at www.goldcoastdoulas.com.   Email us with info, suggestions, comments, and that’s info@goldcoastdoulas.com.  Remember, these moments are golden.

Podcast Episode #29: Kids in the Kitchen Read More »

plagiocephaly and torticollis

Podcast Episode #28: Plagiocephaly and Torticollis

What is Plagiocephaly?  Torticollis what?  Jessica Buikema of Hulst Jepsen Physical Therapy talks about both and what parents can do to prevent them and how physical therapy can help their baby.  Listen to the podcast on iTunes or SoundCloud.

 

Alyssa:  Hello.  Welcome to another episode of Ask the Doulas.  I am Alyssa Veneklase, co-owner and postpartum doula at Gold Coast.  Today we’re talking to Jessica Buikema of Hulst Jepsen Physical Therapy.  Hey, Jess.

Jessica:  Hey, thanks for having me.

Alyssa:  Yeah.  We recently spoke to one of your colleagues, JoEllen Bender, who works at a different location but does pelvic floor physical therapy.  And we had an event with both of you together, and I want to talk to you separately about what you specialize in, plagiocephaly and torticollis.  Now, those are super big, long, fancy words for people who don’t know what they are.  Can you break down what each of those are and what that means for a new mom and a new baby?  And then, how you can help?

Jessica:  Yeah, definitely.  So torticollis is going to be tightness or a mild lump in a muscle called your sternocleidomastoid.  It’s a neck muscle, and basically what you’ll notice with your baby is that they tend to prefer to tilt one way, and they tend to want to rotate the opposite way of the tilt.  So that’s when you know that torticollis could be an issue with your baby.  Plagiocephaly is going to be any form of head flattening due to external pressure on the skull.  We’ve seen a huge increase in both of these with the Back is Best campaign to prevent sudden infant death syndrome, and it’s very important to continue doing Back is Best, but these two conditions have increased almost five-fold since that has started.  They both can be caused from the same issues, as well, but we advise you to just kind of look at your baby, and if you’re noticing that, bring that up to the pediatrician.  A lot of times, the pediatrician will notice it right away, too, and they’ll have those conversations with you.

Alyssa:  So I’ve noticed in babies, you know, if they do have a tightness in one side, you’ll try to put a toy over there or try to get them to look, and it’s just their eyes that will move, but they won’t actually move their head.  And then there can be breastfeeding issues, too?

Jessica:  Right.

Alyssa:  They might prefer one side over the other because it actually hurts to move their head that way to get to the breast on that one side.

Jessica:  Yes.  So it’s important that the baby does get treatment if we’re noticing that either of these are significant.  Especially, they can have issues with posturing of their mouth, so they’ll have an open mouth posture.

Alyssa:  What does that mean, posture of the mouth?

Jessica:  So their mouth will stay open, and it will lead to issues with breastfeeding.  Suck and swallow issues, too, with breastfeeding, when there’s tightness in either –

Alyssa:  So it will hurt to actually close their mouth, so they just leave it open?

Jessica:  No, it’s just the way that they’re positioned because of the way the muscle attaches, so their posturing of both their head and neck will be different.  It will be offset.  So you’ll notice, as a mom, these could be issues leading up to problems with breastfeeding, and this could be one of the culprits.  I know that you guys, especially your lactation consultants, will kind of try to figure out what the cause of breastfeeding issues is, and this is one of the issues that could come up.

Alyssa:  So who do you mostly see?   Do you see very, very newborn babies?  Do you see them months later?

Jessica:  In an ideal world, we would see the babies fairly early.  Because everyone goes to their pediatrician quite frequently when the baby is born, this does typically get caught early, and the earlier the better, because again, this – torticollis and plagiocephaly can be caused from so many different things, and a lot of times, it’s caused in the womb.  It’s not caused because you as a mom did something wrong, so that’s something I definitely want to stress, because that can stress parents out.  They’re trying to do everything right, and they think they caused this, when in fact it could be caused due to the positioning in the womb; if you had low amniotic fluid; if there was any trauma at birth; multiple births, this is very common because they run out of space.  Prematurity, if they’re in the NICU for a while; that can cause that as well.  And plagiocephaly and torticollis kind of go hand in hand, so you can have both or you can have one or the other, and they’re actually both caused from very similar things, so any of the things that I mentioned can cause it.

Alyssa:  So what do you tell parents who – you know, I see a lot of babies, like you said, with helmets now because – I mean, a lot of times it’s because of sleeping on the back, but it’s what’s recommended; it’s what we have to do.  Is there anything they can do to prevent that from happening with sleeping on the back, or is the helmet the only fixer?

Jessica:  No, so the earlier we see babies, the better because we can teach parents very early on ways to play with their child and ways to position their baby in various environments.  So although we provide a lot of manual treatment, like we do massage to the neck and work on positioning, but there is so much education that goes with this.  We’re only seeing the baby, dependent on what’s needed, but we’re only seeing the baby for 30, 45-minute sessions a couple times a week.  So much of it goes into what you’re doing outside of physical therapy.  So different positions when you’re playing; different positions when you’re carrying the baby; different positions when you’re breastfeeding; those are all things that we can provide at these sessions when we treat them.

Alyssa:  So if a mom came to you before there was even an issue, they could potentially prevent it?

Jessica:  Yeah, if there was – prevention would be huge as well.  As you know, especially with when the baby comes out of the birth canal, their skull is very soft to allow them to be able to come out, so their skull is susceptible to getting flat spots due to pressure after birth, as well.  So learning different positioning techniques would be very helpful to prevent that, and just telling moms what to look for to help prevent that.

Alyssa:  How do we find you?  If we have a mom who says, I need help with this?

Jessica:  I’m located at Hulst Jepsen Physical Therapy’s Cascade location, so I am at 5136 Cascade Road Southeast.  It is at the corner of Cascade and Spalding, and our number is 616-301-1215.  If my location’s not convenient for you, there are multiple Hulst Jepsen clinics that have physical therapists that enjoy treating plagiocephaly and torticollis and could definitely help you as well, and you could call any clinic and they could give you the information on the closest clinic for you.

Alyssa:  Yeah, there are several.  I keep seeing them.  How many locations are there?

Jessica:  We have 14 locations.  Our website, www.hjphysicaltherapy.com, will also list the locations, and then we also have our specialties broken down.  But if you can’t find it on the website, don’t hesitate to call any location.  They can direct you in the right place that’s most convenient for you.

Alyssa:  Awesome.  Well, thanks for coming in today!

Jessica:  Yeah, thanks for having me!

Alyssa:  Email us if you have questions for us or Jessica or anything about their physical therapy offices.  You can email us at info@goldcoastdoulas.com.  Find us at www.goldcoastdoulas.com,  Facebook, and Instagram.  You can listen to our podcast, Ask the Doulas, on SoundCloud and iTunes.

Podcast Episode #28: Plagiocephaly and Torticollis Read More »

Prenatal Stress

Media – Friend or Foe?

In light of recent events, we have a special guest blog by Lindsey Zaskiewicz, LMSW. Lindsey is a licensed social worker currently employed as a clinician on a mental health and substance abuse crisis line. Prior to this role, she has several years of experience working in maternal-infant mental health, as well as direct practice with adolescents and young adults. Beyond her role as a social worker, she is also an expectant mother who is navigating this journey for the first time; this provides a unique opportunity to empathize and appreciate what other moms have experienced themselves.  

In an era when everywhere you turn things are being aired, tweeted, and live-streamed, it’s hard to dodge the media and celebrity updates that inundate our daily lives. Most recently, news and media outlets have covered the deaths of both Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain, each dying by suicide. And while many people will take the opportunity to grieve those beloved public figures, media coverage of high-profile suicides can also negatively influence those at risk already.

It is important to take inventory of our own responses and internal triggers when confronted with the news of a death by suicide, especially for women who are currently struggling with perinatal mood and anxiety disorders.* You are allowed to give yourself permission to turn off TV reports or not scroll through news feeds in order to maintain a healthy separation. It is also critical to develop and/or use support systems when confronted with worsening depression or anxiety symptoms. Whether you yourself have experienced perinatal mood and anxiety disorders, or you know someone who has (or is at this time), please know that there is help and support available.

We tend to see the side of individuals on social media that they want us to see, and that is not typically an accurate representation of reality. While perinatal mood and anxiety disorders continue to feel somewhat stigmatized in society, there have been several brave women who have come forward to share their stories publicly. When high-profile celebrities can bring attention and shed light on what they have gone through, it can assist women to feel that they are not alone. Some of the most well-known women to speak out regarding their struggles are Brooke Shields, Hayden Panettiere, and JK Rowling.  They each had the following to say about their postpartum experience:

Brooke Shields: “I had gone through numerous attempts to have a baby and when I did finally have this perfect, beautiful, healthy baby it all but destroyed me. I couldn’t hold the baby, I couldn’t do anything for the baby, I couldn’t look at the baby.”

Hayden Panettiere received inpatient treatment after the 2014 birth of her child: “There’s a lot of misunderstanding- there’s a lot of people out there that think that it’s not real, that it’s not true, that it’s something that’s made up in their minds, that ‘oh, it’s hormones.’ They brush it off. It’s something that’s completely uncontrollable. It’s really painful and it’s really scary, and women need a lot of support.”

JK Rowling: “I have never been remotely ashamed of having been depressed. Never. What’s to be ashamed of? I went through a really rough time and I am quite proud that I got out of that.” 

When confronted with perinatal mood and anxiety disorders, or thoughts of suicide, it is crucial to reach out and receive support and/or treatment. You can’t tell that someone is struggling or feeling suicidal just by looking at them. If you are the loved one of a pregnant mom or mom with small children, it’s important to check in with them and ask how they are doing, even if things seem to be going well from the outside.  And if you are someone who is currently experiencing depression, anxiety, or thoughts of suicide, there is help available even if you don’t have an immediate social support network. Listed below are several resources that can be used to provide the essential support and encouragement that you need. Also remember, not all treatment is “one size fits all,” so if you don’t feel connected to a specific therapist or type of treatment, please don’t lose hope. Asking for help takes bravery – there is strength in sharing our story and letting ourselves be seen and heard.

Resources for depression, anxiety, and suicide support:

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (24 hrs/day) 800-273-8255
Pine Rest Mother Baby Program 616-455-9200
Spectrum Health Postpartum Emotional Support Group (FREE) 616-391-5000

* Any type of mood or anxiety disorder from pregnancy through the child’s third year

 

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HypnoBirthing Baby

HypnoBirthing – Brianna & Ben’s Story

A huge thank-you to our HypnoBirthing student for taking the time to share her beautiful birth story with us! We hope you love this as much as we do!

My husband Ben and I decided to take a HypnoBirthing class because we had a goal to have a natural birth and because we didn’t think the hospital class would teach us much other than how to be a good patient. I was also very interested because I wanted Ben to be involved and to have more knowledge about birth. After one class we knew we had made the right choice! We really enjoyed meeting with everyone and being in an environment where birth was talked about so highly instead of with fear and anxiety. After that first class I had no anxiety about birth. I was genuinely excited about my baby’s birthday and knew my body was made for this. We learned so much about how a woman’s body is made to birth, and how to breathe calmly before and during birthing. We learned how to make informed decisions and how to ask the doctors the right questions. We felt so prepared.

My entire pregnancy was very healthy. Baby’s heartbeat was good. I was measuring on track. My blood pressure was great (it got even better after we learned calm breathing!) and my weight gain was normal. I had no complaints except some hip pain from sleeping on my side. I knew first-time babies usually come late and my due date came and went and induction was discussed when I was 41.5 weeks. Because I knew how to talk to my doctor, I felt comfortable with the process and they agreed to allow me to labor as naturally as possible once they started the induction process.

Once at the hospital, we discussed our birth preferences with our nurse who was incredibly supportive of all our wishes. Before they gave me the pill to dilate, my cervix was still closed at 1:00 AM. I believe that the calm breathing techniques and relaxation soundtracks were able to help me stay loose and limp and my cervix dilated with the pills and my labor started without pitocin! They told me this is very rare – probably 1 in 500 first-time moms are able to go into labor without pitocin for an induction. The process they said could take up to 3 days but it looked like we would be having our baby before the 24 hour mark!

As the surges grew more intense, Ben was able to suggest new positions and read relaxation scripts to me. He was just as knowledgeable about birth as I was and that was so wonderful. By the time I was feeling the urge to push, the doctor noticed my baby was “sunny side up” and initially tried to turn our baby manually. I asked if instead I could change positions and they agreed and baby flipped! It’s amazing how my body and baby worked together. Very soon after that, at 7:49 PM, our baby boy was born! Our doctors and nurses all remembered our birth preferences and I was able to pull my baby up to my chest without any medical instruments touching him first. Nurses didn’t rub him off and lights were kept dim. The doctor waited for Ben’s ok to clamp the cord after it stopped pulsing and our son was able to breastfeed right away with a great latch. It was such a beautiful moment! We enjoyed over an hour of skin to skin and then Ben held him skin to skin as well. When they weighed him I was so surprised to find he was 9 lbs 2 ounces! I birthed him without any pain medication, minimal tearing, and I have recovered quickly!

I’ve thought a lot about how HypnoBirthing helped me in my pregnancy, labor, and delivery. The truth is that it made a huge difference in every stage. Before the class I thought I knew everything about pregnancy and birth, but it turns out there was so much more to learn. And we went into every stage with enough knowledge to talk openly and easily with our doctors. We knew what our birth preferences were and why we wanted things a certain way. We knew how to stand up to protect our baby, and we were given so many tools to stay calm, relaxed, loose, and limp. Without this class I know I would have requested pain medication and I know I would have been much more upset about a scheduled induction. But because I was able to make my own informed decisions, I have no regrets about our birth. I’d do it all over again!

 

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Hulst Jepsen

Podcast Episode #27: Let’s Talk About the Pelvic Floor

Today on Ask the Doulas, we talk to JoEllen Bender of Hulst Jepsen Physical Therapy in East Grand Rapids.  She is a physical therapist who specializes in women’s pelvic issues.  Listen as she gives some tips and dispels some myths about the pelvic floor.  You’re doing kegels right now, aren’t you?!

Listen to the podcast on iTunes or SoundCloud!

 

Alyssa:  Hello and welcome to another episode of Ask the Doulas!  I am Alyssa Veneklase, co-owner and postpartum doula.  Today we are talking to JoEllen Bender of Hulst Jepsen Physical Therapy.  Hello.

JoEllen:  Hi.

Alyssa:  We actually had an event recently.

JoEllen:  Yes, we did.

Alyssa:  And I learned so much about what you do for pelvic floor.  I wanted to talk a little bit about what that actually means and what you do for your patients, but when we say pelvic floor, what does it even mean?

JoEllen:  So the pelvic floor specifically is a group of muscles that are at the base, where there’s the vaginal and anal opening.  It spans pretty wide, so it’s from both hips and then the front of your pubic bone back to your coccyx or your tailbone, and that’s pretty much the typical pelvic floor musculature, but it spans and helps the whole body.  So if you think about it, all the pressure that comes from the bottom of the body, so your legs when you hit the ground – your pelvic floor is your core.  It’s a shock absorber.  And then everything from above; so if you lift something, it also is a shock absorber for any of that pressure or weight.  So it’s a pretty big area.  The muscles themselves are in a smaller group, but it helps with so many things throughout your day.

Alyssa:  So it doesn’t just have to do with peeing when you do jumping jacks?

JoEllen:  No, it doesn’t.  It’s so much more.

Alyssa:  So you’re saying even when you’re working your core, you’re working your pelvic floor?

JoEllen:  Exactly, yes.  And that’s when issues can come in if you don’t use your pelvic floor and you specifically just use those six-pack muscles, those rock-hard abs type of muscles.  So it’s very important to train the pelvic floor along with the core.  I know when people typically think “core,” it’s those muscles in the front from your chest down to your pelvis, your hips, but it’s so much more than that.  You have to add the core, the base of it, your pelvic floor in there, too.

Alyssa:  So what does a typical woman come to see you for?

JoEllen:  So there’s a whole host of things.  A lot of it will be low back pain.  There will be pelvic pain, constipation, coccyx pain.  You could also have – there’s multiple diseases like vulvodynia, endometriosis, polycystic ovarian syndrome, lots of those types of things.  But then the main thing that I like to specialize in is postpartum or pregnancy, so that is the bulk of my client baseload, but there’s a whole host of things that you could come in for with pelvic pain or things related to that.

Alyssa:  So a pregnant mom comes in.  Is she just doing preventative work, or is she usually having some leaking, or does it usually have to do with the bladder?

JoEllen:  It can be to do with the bladder.  There’s so many things that a pregnant mother could have issues with, so we would –

Alyssa:  Like pelvic pain?

JoEllen:  Exactly, yeah, so we can combat any of that.  A lot of the typical symptoms would be low back pain.  You start to grow a baby in the front there; it offsets your balance and your weight, and you’re using different muscles.  Elastin in the body increases by 30% when you get pregnant, which increases the laxity of your connective tissue and your joints, your ligaments, all of that type of stuff.  So back pain, I would say, is the biggest.  Incontinence, leakage, would be probably second, and then a lot of times they’ll even come in with lower extremity swelling.  So we can help with some of that, too, increase that lymph flow and all of that.  So whatever they come in with, we try to meet them where they’re at and then just progress through the pregnancy as they need.

Alyssa:  And then same with postpartum?

JoEllen:  Correct.

Alyssa:  Things have now shifted; you’ve had your baby, and there’s probably a whole host of other issues that now come along with the pelvic floor.

JoEllen:  Exactly.  So some of them can be the same of what happened pregnancy-wise, but then postpartum, I would say, biggest is probably leakage, incontinence; sometimes constipation still will happen frequently, and the low back pain is pretty constant, too.  Most of the time, if it’s more preventative, it will be someone that wants to return to, let’s say, running, or some type of exercise, and now all of a sudden, they’ve had this impairment of leakage or pain or something like that.  So then we’ll just take them through more of a postpartum exercise routine or things that you can reintegrate your pelvic floor to help get you back to the things that you want to do.

Alyssa:  Okay, so that was my next question.  What does that look like?  What do you do as a pelvic floor physical therapist?  And I know when we had our event together, you kind of mentioned that there were external things as well as internal, right?

JoEllen:  Yes.

Alyssa:  So how do those differ?

JoEllen:  So internal would mean that we would go in vaginally, one gloved finger.  It’s all up to patient comfort, and we can feel those internal muscles.  There are ways that you can feel the more internal muscles externally, so if a patient came in and they weren’t comfortable with internal, of course we could always stick to external.  It doesn’t mean that you always have to go internal when you see a pelvic floor physical therapist.  I think a lot of people are worried about that and so they don’t come in, but we meet you wherever you’re at.  So internal would be more releasing the muscles or giving tactile cues on how to find your pelvic floor or contract it.  Externally, you could do the same, simple type of things, but it would be more like those tactile cues on how to find your pelvic floor or contract certain muscles or relax certain muscles.

Alyssa:  So everyone thinks of Kegels; I mean, that’s what I think of.  But it’s so much more than that, right?

JoEllen:  Exactly.

Alyssa:  And did you tell me that you can even do Kegels too much and have the opposite effect?

JoEllen:  Right, so if you hold your pelvic floor at a higher tone, a higher resting tone – so it’s not in the good type of strength; it’s more of that high-tone irritability that can cause pain.  You can’t get a full release to then get a full contraction, so you need the muscle to go through its full length of motion, meaning it needs to drop down and fully relax so that you then can contract it.  If you’re doing Kegels all day, it’s the same as any other muscle.  Let’s say you contract your bicep all day, and then all of a sudden you need to use it.  Let’s say you feel like a leak’s coming on or something; it’s just going to give way and then you are going to leak; it’s going to go out.  So same thing with the bicep; use it all day, and then you go and try to pick up your purse or something heavy: it’s just going to give, and it’s not going to be able to do what it needs to do.

Alyssa:  Okay.  So are there different exercises then that you said – you mentioned the core, but the lower core?  So there’s different exercises like crunches and certain things that you would tell people to do?

JoEllen:  Yes; not typically crunches, though.  So there’s different types of muscles that are more postural and the ones that can transmit forces from, let’s say, your right side to your left side, which are the ones that we really want to get after.  So those would be your deeper muscles, your typical pelvic floor muscles, and then those smaller abdominal muscles, not that six-pack, typical type of ab muscles.

Alyssa:  These are abdominal muscles that you can’t necessarily touch by doing crunches; it’s a different exercise?

JoEllen:  Correct.  You can’t really see them; it’s a deeper type of muscle area.  So a lot of times the first thing that I’ll take someone through is breathing because the top of the pelvic floor is actually your diaphragm, so it creates this cannister within you.  The top is the diaphragm; the bottom is the pelvic floor.  When you inhale, your diaphragm contracts and drops down, and your pelvic floor can then relax and drop down, so that would be the lengthening of the muscle.  When you exhale, then the pelvic floor comes up; it contracts, and your diaphragm comes back up, also.  So it’s kind of like a piston; they both drop down together, and then they come back up together, so the way to activate the pelvic floor in the beginning would be first by trying to find your diaphragmatic breathing; get that good expansion.  A lot of people have that high chest-breathing; everybody’s stressed lately, and as a mother, postpartum, they have so many things that they have to think of, and it’s more of a stressful time.  So they breathe with that chest, when really, we need to activate the pelvic floor which would be breathing with your diaphragm.  So that would be first exercise, and then we would just progress from there.

Alyssa:  So is there anything else about the pelvic floor for either prenatal or postpartum, things that maybe people think of as a misconception or that you would want people to know about?

JoEllen:  So my big thing is, it seems to be that all of a sudden at six weeks you’re just magically better and you can return to whatever you want to do.

Alyssa:  Postpartum, you mean?

JoEllen:  Exactly, yes.  I wish people would not say that because it took nine months for you to get to where you are, and your body changed drastically.  It’s going to take about nine months to get back to where you were before, so I don’t want moms to think, oh my gosh, I’m not back to where I was.  Or they see another mom that is now running marathons.  Everybody changes so much differently, and we’re going to meet you where you’re at and then get you back to where you were, safely, rather than you trying to push yourself and then cause all these other types of issues.

Alyssa:  That’s good advice.  So how do our moms find you?

JoEllen:  So I am at Hulst Jepsen Physical Therapy.  It’s an outpatient clinic.  The address specifically is 2000 Burton Street SE.  We’re Suite 1, and that’s in East Grand Rapids.

Alyssa:  So are you near Anthropologie?  Is that a good landmark?

JoEllen:  We are pretty close, right in that area, yeah.  So the best way would be to call.  The number is 616-608-8485.  And then you would just schedule with me, JoEllen Bender.  Just ask to schedule for pelvic floor physical therapy, and then we can get you started on whatever types of issues you’re having or if it’s preventative during pregnancy or any of that.

Alyssa:  Now how far – this is something I didn’t ask.  How far postpartum can you see a mom?

JoEllen:  They could come in as early as they wanted, and then we would just space out treatment based on the timeframe that exercises would be safe to begin.  So they could come right after, and we could work on some breathing and postural type things, and then after that, I would be comfortable starting more of the typical strength training types of things probably around the four- to six-week area.

Alyssa:  And then what about a mom whose daughter turned five and still can’t do jumping jacks without peeing?  What about someone like that?

JoEllen:  Come in ASAP!  There is still hope!

Alyssa:  Speaking from experience…

JoEllen:  I would love for anybody like that to come in.  There’s always – I mean, don’t think you’re too far gone or anything like that.  We can always work on it, and you’ll get back to what you want to do.

Alyssa:   Good, awesome.  Well, thank you for all that information.  Get ahold of her if you have any questions, and then as always, if you have questions for us, you can email us: info@goldcoastdoulas.com.  Find us on Facebook and Instagram, and you can listen on iTunes and SoundCloud.  Thanks.

JoEllen:  Thank you for having me.

 

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