April 2018

Cesarean birth

Podcast Episode #23: Amber’s Cesarean Birth Story

On this episode of Ask the Doulas, Amber shares how her Gold Coast Doulas supported her through her C-section experience.  You can listen to this complete episode on iTunes and SoundCloud.

 

Alyssa:  Hi, welcome to another episode of Ask the Doulas.  I am Alyssa Veneklase, co-owner and postpartum doula, and we are talking to Amber again.  We talked to her last time about her story of hiring a doula, and we learned that after planning for a natural delivery and using hypnobirthing techniques and going through that course together, you found out that you needed a C-section.  So tell me when you found that out.

Amber:  At 37 weeks.  So I have midwives, and I had not had an ultrasound since 20 weeks, and we definitely thought he was in position.  We were getting ready to go to Chicago for the weekend to our friend’s cabin and just had a quick little visit with our midwives and we did an ultrasound during that, which I thought was obviously going to be super routine and just a little quickie, and then received the information that he was breech.  So he was actually sitting across my pubic bone.  It was shocking, to say the least.  I thought with all the appointments that we had that he was face-down and ready to go, and that’s just what I knew and what I was comfortable with, and it definitely took us for a little bit of a roller coaster.  I was a little bit in shock when I found out, and then as we were walking out, I just started bawling in the parking garage because it just really hit me.  In the hypnobirthing class, one of the things that you do to release fear is just write down all of the things that you’re scared of, and the biggest thing that I was scared of was having a C-section because I’d never had a surgery before.  I was emotionally and relatively physically prepared at that point for a natural birth.  I was 37 weeks; I had done all of my classes; I had my doulas; I had my midwives.  This is what was going to happen, and so it kind of flipped all of that upside down a little bit.  It was difficult pill to swallow at first.

Alyssa:   So what happened then at 37 weeks?  You just said okay, it is what it is?  Or what did you do?

Amber:  Oh, no.  No, not with my personality.  At the ultrasound, my midwife definitely – she knew what we were doing.  She knew that we were preparing for a natural birth.  She knew that we had doulas, and I think she could see it on my face that I was relatively devastated by the news.  She told me that we still had time, still three weeks to try to flip him, and it’s totally possible.  So she did give me a little bit of hope in it, but then also did explain that I was relatively far along, and I didn’t have as much amniotic fluid for him to flip naturally and it was going to be a little bit more of a challenge.  But I didn’t lose all hope at that appointment.  I think that it just took me a second to, I guess, digest the news.  Then with my personality, I just started Googling everything I could about breech babies and how to flip them, and I remember one of the first things I did was text Ashley and Kristin, and I was like, what can we do to get this baby down into position?  So I did a little bit of a roller coaster of being sad and then almost getting a little bit obsessed, I think, with turning him.

Alyssa:   So tell me some things you did.  What did you try?  What didn’t you try?

Amber:  Oh, my God.  What didn’t I try?  So we had gone to our friend’s cabin that weekend in Chicago.  I spent a lot of time in the water.  I did a lot of headstands, which was just absolutely hilarious, this huge pregnant woman doing a bunch of headstands in the water.  People were like, what is she doing? So yeah, spent a lot of time in the water, did a lot of headstands.  I did some inversions.  I looked up a lot of stuff on spinning babies, so I did a lot of inversions.  We did Moxa, a Moxa stick, burning it by my feet, which in Chinese medicine is supposed to help.  I did acupuncture.  I did chiropractic work.  I did literally everything, and there were a couple times – I was so in tune with my body at that point because I was like, “I know I’m going to be able to feel him when he flips,” so everything that he did, I was like, “Oh, he just flipped.  He just flipped.”  I just kept talking myself into the fact that he was, and then I went in for a couple ultrasounds during those couple weeks, and he didn’t.  So our last-ditch effort – I did an ECV in the hospital with Sara LaGrand and my OB, Carrie, and Ashley was there to support us.  I went in and I was like, “This is it.  He’s totally going to turn.”  They had a really good success rate in doing that, and oh, my God, they tried, for a good 15 minutes, and he would kind of get sideways, and then he would just snap back up into position, and it just got to a point where Carrie was like, “I just don’t think that this is going to happen today.”  And then there was just another huge letdown because it’s like, I really put all my eggs in one basket for that, and that’s just such a dangerous thing.

Alyssa:   How far along were you when this happened?

Amber:  I was 39 weeks.

Alyssa:   So you knew you had exhausted all possibilities at this point.

Amber:  Yeah, that was it.  That was it.  We waited so long because there’s a good chance that you can go into labor after that.  Your placenta can detach.  It’s a pretty aggressive form of trying to flip them, but it’s what I wanted.  I was willing to do anything at that point because I just had such – in my mind, I had really gotten obsessed with the idea of laboring, and of laboring with my husband and just having that really intimate experience together, and I think that was a really hard thing to let go of because while I know that C-sections are completely routine, they happen all the time, it is not what I wanted.  And how is this fair?  So many people go into birth not doing any type of research about what kind of birth they want or any education and end up having successful births, and it’s just like, how did this – why?

Alyssa:   You did all your homework.

Amber:  Yeah, so once again, I kind of got into a little bit of a funk, and I was like, at this point, my C-section was scheduled for the next week on his due date at 40 weeks.  And I just knew the chances of him turning at this point – he’s just not going to.  You know, if he wasn’t going to turn with two grown women waling on him from the outside, it’s just not going to happen.  And so I was sad, of course, and I allowed that.  And I had this conversation with Kristin one night.  I was just really emotional, and I very much wanted to bring my son into the world and be in a really good place with what was going to happen, and I just wasn’t.  I really needed to do some work on myself emotionally to get in a good place to just accept what was going to be.  And I think that the whole situation was a huge learning experience for me because birth is really out of your hands at the end of the day.  You can do whatever you can do to try to set yourself up to have the birth that you want to have, but the reality of it is he’s going to come the way that he’s going to come, and there’s nothing that I can do to control that.  And so I was really sad one night, and I called Kristin, and we just had a really real conversation about me and where I was at with it, and I just got such amazing advice from her and the fact that this is still your birth story.  This is not a situation where you have lost all control.  You still do have control over this.  It’s still a birth; it’s still what you want it to be.  And so she really empowered me to kind of take the reins back a little bit and think about what kind of experience we wanted to have in the OR.  And I feel, honestly, so blessed about the team that I did have.  Because of Gold Coast, actually, like really early on when we brought you guys on, I was having second guesses about the practice that I was with just because it was a really big practice, and I did want something so specific, and I just didn’t think that I was completely aligned with the OB that I originally had.  She was absolutely wonderful, but I don’t think she really participated in a lot of natural births, and she didn’t work with doulas a lot, so that was just kind of something that I had a gut feeling about.  And I was relatively far along at that point.  I was like, I don’t really think I can switch, and because of conversations that I had with Kristin, I did end up switching to Advanced OB, and that was the best-case scenario.  I just think about all these little pieces that kind of fell into place, and I had Breck and Sara as my midwives and absolutely loved them.  Obviously, they could no longer really have me after I found out that I was breech, so I ended up being switched over to the – there’s only two OBs in that practice.  It’s Carrie Roberts and John LeGrand, and I remember my first meeting with them.  They knew I was super upset about it, and they didn’t do a lot of C-sections in that practice, either, and they were so open to just a lot of conversation around it.  They heard my fears around it.  I felt so supported already in the fact that this isn’t what I wanted, but they’re going to make it as good as they possibly can for me.  So after that conversation with Kristin, I decided to write a birth plan that night.  I was like, what do we want?  So we created a playlist and had a playlist playing when he was born.  He was born into the most amazing, beautiful song ever; I still cry every time we hear it.  We did immediate skin to skin.  They did delayed cord clamping.  So many things that were on my original birth plan still happened.  And I think another big thing that came out of that conversation with Kristin that night is I actually wrote a letter to Parker, and that was really cathartic for me because I just told him that I trust him, and I trust that he was in this position for a reason and that we were still going to work together as a team and have a successful amazing birth, and that was – I just felt like I got a little bit of power back, I guess.

Alyssa:   I think that’s what people don’t understand.  The support of a doula through a C-section, even if it’s a planned C-section, that it’s still a birth, it’s still your story, and you can still have a plan put together that makes it feel like your own and that you do have choices still.

Amber:  Yeah, I mean, I had the two OBs in the office there during my C-section, and Sara LaGrand, my midwife, showed up too.  She did not need to be there, and she took video of my entire birth.  She took a lot of pictures.  When I watch my birth video, even though it was a C-section, I feel so – I cry every time.  I feel so emotional, and it really came full circle.  I was sad; I had to digest that; I had to allow that.  I had to feel in my heart that I did as much as I could to have turned him, and I did, and I was at peace with that, and then I was like, how do I want to show up in this?  And I did.  I did my emotional work; I did what I felt I needed to do to be in a good place with it, and I could not have had a better experience.  And I thank the doulas for that.  I thank Ashley and Kristin so much.  Ashley ended up giving me scripts of hypnobirthing for C-sections, and so I still felt super supported in that, and then my midwives and Dr. LeGrand and Carrie Roberts were just the most amazing team.  And I didn’t feel like it was a surgery.  I didn’t feel like it was just a routine thing, like they were concerned about my experience and really wanted me to have as good of an experience as I could, and I did.  And I’m so blessed to say that, and I just don’t think that it would have ended up like that if I was anywhere else.

Alyssa:   Well, thank you for sharing.  It’s a really beautiful story, and I know it’s emotional, but it’s lovely to hear stories like that, and I think you’re really going to help some other women.  A lot of women don’t process it the way that you did, and I think it’s really healthy and really good that you were able to do that.

Amber:  Thank you so much.

Alyssa:   So if anyone has any thoughts about that, feel free to email us at info@goldcoastdoulas.com.  And you can find us on our website, www.goldcoastdoulas.com; Facebook, Instagram, and then obviously you can listen to our podcast on iTunes and Soundcloud.  Thanks again, Amber.

Amber:  Thank you.

Podcast Episode #23: Amber’s Cesarean Birth Story Read More »

Hiring a doula

Podcast Episode #22: How to get Dad on board with Hiring a Doula

On this episode of Ask the Doulas, Alyssa talks with Amber and Ashton about getting your husband or partner on board with hiring a doula.  You can listen to this complete podcast on iTunes or Soundcloud.

 

Alyssa:  Hi, welcome to another episode of Ask the Doulas.  I am Alyssa Veneklase, co-owner and postpartum doula, and today we are talking to Ashton and Amber, and little Parker is here as well, so we may hear him talking, too.  Hi, you two.  Thanks for joining us.

Ashton:  Hello.

Amber:  Hi.

Alyssa:  We have you both here today because some clients do have a little pushback when Dad kind of says, why would we have a doula in this sacred space, this birth space?  So can you two tell us how that story started for you and what it looked like, your journey into actually hiring a doula?

Amber:  Yeah, definitely.  I think for me, I have always been very attracted to the idea of having a natural birth, ever since I can remember, really.  I’m a hair stylist, and I have a lot of clients who have had babies, and actually, a lot of them have had natural births, and it’s always such an emotional thing to listen to their story and the experience that they have.  And I really do think it’s something that you very much need to prepare for and set yourself up for success with, not just something that you want to do, but something that you are fully comfortable with for the most part and having people in your court to cheer you along.  So I always knew what a doula was and a little bit of what kind of role they played, and that was always the common denominator in all of the births that I heard about was that they did have a coach there, a doula there, and so for me, it was kind of a no-brainer.  It was just something that once I found out I was pregnant, I was like, well, we need to start looking into doulas.  And so I had brought that up to Ashton one day and was just telling him, you know, we’ve got to hire a doula.  And I think it kind of caught him off-guard a little bit, and he wasn’t exactly sure what it was or why we would need one.  It was something I knew that I wanted, but I wasn’t so prepared to explain to him what kind of role they actually did play in the delivery room.

Alyssa:  How did that conversation look?  How did you start that conversation with Ashton, and, Ashton, what were your initial thoughts when she said doula?  You’re like, doula what?

Amber:  Yeah, I think I just went in assuming that he was going to be on board with it, and yeah, of course we’re going to have a doula.  So I was already kind of researching ones in the area and brought it up to him, and I just remember a little bit of a – well, why?  And that took me off guard a little bit because – I don’t know, but why I assumed he knew what one was and that it would be really helpful to us.  In that moment, I wasn’t sure, either, how to explain to him what one was, so I kind of remember there being a moment of, well, we’ll go back to the drawing board for a minute; I’ll do my research and kind of come up with some possibilities of ones to talk about.  It just didn’t go as smoothly as I thought, and I guess I kind of felt bad, too, that I didn’t explain better what a doula was, and I think – and obviously you can talk more about this, but I feel as though he thought it just wasn’t necessary, and yeah, the why, like why would we need that?

Ashton:  Yeah, I think the conversation when you brought up the idea of having a doula – I didn’t know what a doula was; had never really heard the term before.  I think maybe we’d seen some episodes of The Mindy Project and that was kind of my first exposure to a doula.  So yeah, at first, the idea – you know, at this point, we’re a few months along with the pregnancy, and obviously the shock has hit us.  It’s still kind of surreal; we’re not sure what to expect.  And the thought of – up to this point, it’s the two of us, you know, the team effort that’s going to get through the delivery, and I guess I kind of had that anticipation going into it that it would just be the two of us.  I was thinking that yeah, we can do this; we’ll do our homework, and we’ll learn the techniques that will help you deal with the pain and everything and how I can help you cope with that.  And the idea of bringing someone else in, as you described it, somebody to help you through the birthing process: at first, yeah, I felt a bit taken aback, almost that I wasn’t going to be good enough; like, what, am I not good enough?  Am I not able to support you through the birthing process?   So I felt a little shafted at first, and it probably wasn’t until I did some research and we picked up the book The Birth Partner by Penny Simkin, which is really an in-depth guide to what doulas are and a good resource for fathers and expecting mothers and probably other doulas and birth companions.  So it wasn’t until I started reading that and learning about the doula’s role; you know, it’s not that they’re coming and just supporting you, but they’re really supporting me as well, and I didn’t really understand that initially.  I didn’t think that I would need support through the process, but the fact is, we ran into all sort of obstacles and unknowns, and having this doula, somebody who’s been through dozens if not hundreds, even, of births with different people – having that kind of experience in our court really helped to ease a lot of concern.  Overall, looking back on it, we would absolutely do it again, even though we ended up having not a natural birth but a Cesarean birth.  It was maybe even more beneficial because it was such an emotional roller coaster.  We were set up to have a natural birth but we ended up needed a Cesarean because he was breech, and that emotional deviation was – yeah, the doulas really helped us process that as well.  So yeah, it was tough to process at first, but I definitely would recommend it.

Alyssa:  How long did it take you to get there, from the day Amber said, “I want to a doula” and he was like, what the heck, so this now, of him saying, okay, sure, I’ll read this book?

Amber:  You know, for Ashton, I think that he needs a lot of information around something before he’s on board, and I’m totally the opposite.  Like, I put all my eggs in the basket, and I just go full-forward without – and I’m like, I’ll figure it all out later.  Well, he’s very opposite, and so I had picked up The Birth Partner book for him because I do think that he just really needed to understand the whole picture and the role that a doula does play, and he didn’t know that.  So how I am going to get him on board for something if I just say, well, they’re just a coach in the delivery room?  It is so much more than that.  And so I think that just having the information is so powerful with that because everybody has pushback to stuff that they don’t understand.  That’s just kind of human nature, right?  So I think, yeah, the more information that he received – and reading that book, too, I think that he felt so much more empowered about birth and being a good birth partner for me, the role that he would be in, and knowing that a doula is just making him stronger throughout it and making me stronger.  It’s also just having somebody to always go to with questions, no matter what it is.  For me, I feel like our doulas, Ashley and Kristin, showed up in such a different way than I had originally expected.  You know, you bring them on to help you in the delivery room, and that unfortunately wasn’t the case for us, but the support that we received going up to that was just incredible.  You know, texting them with random little things.  I mean, it was my first pregnancy.  I would have a question about something or I would have a sensation and be like, is this normal?  And I always had somebody that I could go to with just the shooting of a text, no matter what time of day it was.  And that was really, really awesome for us, but especially for me, just knowing that things were normal, and I didn’t have to worry about stuff.  And we went through the hypnobirthing as well, so we just received so much by bringing Gold Coast on.  We had interviewed a couple doulas, and you guys were one of them, and we just felt like it was such a good match.  We did the hypnobirthing and just received so much information around labor.  I had no idea what your body even does during labor, and I think that bringing a doula on and just getting so comfortable and confident around what labor is, how it goes down, the differences, the changes that your body goes through – I think understanding that alone made me feel so much more comfortable in my pregnant body and potentially going into a natural birth.  That was what we had planned for, and it didn’t happen, but regardless, I felt like I had so many tools in my belt, and I just understood a lot more that I wouldn’t have received if I hadn’t hired a doula because then we probably wouldn’t have done the hypnobirthing or any of the other classes that we did, as well.  So think that it’s just kind of a –  you know, once you bring a doula on, there’s so much information that you can get from it that can potentially set you up for a successful birth.

Alyssa:  So we’ll have you on again to talk about how planning for a natural delivery and ending up with a Cesarean.  Ashton, I actually wanted to ask you one more question before we wrap up here.  So for the guys, for the dads out there who don’t read – like, my husband would have never read a book, had I asked him to.  If you had to tell them a couple things to say, okay, this is why you need to hire a doula; what would you say?

Ashton:  You know, I think it’s a tough question to distill it down.  Everybody’s going to have a different perspective on it.  I could tell pretty early on when Amber approached me with the idea of bringing a doula on board that it’s something that would make her feel more confident in the delivery of our first child, and at the end of the day, I think that’s ultimately why I wanted to support it.  I wanted to learn more about it because especially with the stress and the difficulty and the emotional roller coaster that goes on with having your first child, all the unknowns, all the fear – you know, at the end of the day, if having a doula is going to make you more comfortable, then that’s probably not something I want to oppose.

Alyssa:  How did the doula support you?  You had said that it wasn’t just for the laboring mother but for you as well.

Ashton:  Yeah.  Well, it was mostly educational, so we did participate in the hypnobirthing class, and I think learning so much about the birthing process through that also helped me understand the role of a doula, but also the role of myself in the delivery process.

Amber:  You felt very empowered after the hypnobirthing, right?

Ashton:  Yeah.  It took a lot of the fear and the unknown and made it more accessible because I knew or I had at least some ideas of what we were getting into.  But again, I think the emotions and the fears are probably some of the hardest parts around having our first child, at least for us, and having the doulas with us to answer both of our questions, being there at the delivery, helping us with our first latch once Parker was born – I think just having that reassurance and that additional resource and expertise just made us more confident going into it, which was certainly worth the cost.

Amber:  Yeah, I feel like we really had an incredible relationship with Ashley and Kristin, and it happened quickly.  And like I had already said, just always having somebody to reach out to.  I had so many little questions along the road, and it’s not like you can call your midwife or OB every single time you have a question, and going to the internet when you’re pregnant is just –

Alyssa:  Stay away from Google!

Amber:  You stay away from it.  So there was just always somebody that we could reach out to, and that alone was worth it.  And just the relationship that we both created with them, I think especially through the hypnobirthing, we both felt very empowered.  But they really empowered Ashton to be a good birth partner through labor, and doing the breathing techniques together, having him be my coach through that stuff.  While our doula taught it, I think that she really put a lot into his court in a good way.

Ashton:  Yeah, it was like a having a – Ashley in this case was a birthing coach for me and a birthing coach for Amber, but she definitely made me a more competent and confident partner going into the delivery room and through the last stages of pregnancy.  So yeah, ultimately, it made us both more at ease and more relaxed in the pregnancy in general, and that’s a hard thing to put a price on.

Alyssa:  Well, thank you for sharing.  We’ll have you back again, and we will talk about how your actual last few weeks of pregnancy went and how your doula supported you in that role.  Let us know what you thought about this episode.  If you have any questions, you can always find us: info@goldcoastdoulas.com.  You can email us there or find us at goldcoastdoulas.com, Facebook, and Instagram.  Thanks.

Podcast Episode #22: How to get Dad on board with Hiring a Doula Read More »

infant massage

Infant Massage Is Only For Babies… Or Is It?

April 14 is Baby Massage Day, so in honor of this day, we have a special blog from Cristina Stauffer, LMSW, CEIM. Enjoy!

Infant massage is an age old practice that has many great physical and emotional benefits for babies and their caregivers; however, did you know that the basic techniques of infant massage can be used throughout the lifespan? Yes, it’s true! From newborn babies to teens and young adults, nurturing touch is good for everyone.

An introductory infant massage class typically focuses on babies who are not mobile yet – usually 6 months and under – but that does not mean that massage ends once a child starts to crawl. Although offering massage may become more challenging as babies grow, there are many creative ways to incorporate massage into everyday life with children of all ages.

Movers and Shakers (ages 6 months – 24 months) – Massage becomes more playful as children become more active and curious. This is a great age range to introduce touch through the use of songs and stories. Well-known nursery rhymes such as “The Itsy Bitsy Spider” or “This Little Piggy” can be used to engage a busy toddler. More physical games and activities such as playing “Head, Shoulders, Knees & Toes” or “The Hokey Pokey” can offer opportunity for gentle touch and to teach body recognition and awareness.

Lower your expectations for what a massage looks like with this busy age range. Massage is sometime only accepted in very small ways, but remember that some nurturing touch is always better than none at all. Techniques taught in an introductory class can be used with this age to help relieve tension in legs and ankles as babies begin to crawl and walk, to reduce teething discomfort and to alleviate congestion and sinus pressure.

Preschoolers (ages 2-5) – Songs and games become even more interactive and fun with preschoolers. Massage techniques such as “Building a Pizza” or “Planting a Garden” (typically taught in the second session of Gold Coast Doulas infant massage classes) make for great interaction and nurturing touch between child and caregiver. Taking turns drawing pictures or writing letters on each other’s backs and guessing the secret message becomes fun and exciting towards the end of this age range. Children this age also start to want to give massage to parents, caregivers, siblings and friends in addition to just receiving it themselves. So sweet!

Preschoolers might also start to experience growing pains as their muscles stretch to keep up with their rapidly growing bones. Using basic massage techniques for legs and feet or arms and hands along with a heat pack can be very helpful to ease these pains.

School aged children (ages 6-12) – School aged children begin to become more aware (and sometimes self-conscience) about their bodies. It can be increasingly challenging to find opportunities for nurturing touch and massage. Tailoring what you are offering to your children’s specific interests can be helpful. Offer a special sports massage like a soccer massage, dancers or gymnasts massage, or a swimmers massage. Not into sports? Artists, writers, videogamers, and computer geniuses need relaxing massage too.

This age range is also a nice time to encourage reciprocal massages. Take turns pampering each other by rubbing a scented lotion onto each other’s hands or feet. You might be surprised by how well your child engages in conversation about their day, their dreams or their challenges during a few moments of quiet massage.

Pre-teens, teens and young adults – (ages 13+) – Massage is about connection and comfort with this age group. Of course, your preteen may not want to play massage games any more or even willingly let you touch them some days. This is when we offer massage as pain or tension relief. It might go something like this – “Wow, you have been working so hard on that paper! Can I give you a little hand massage to help you relax”? or “You have had such a stressful day! How about I rub your shoulders for a minute?” or “You played your heart out on that soccer field today! Would you like me to rub your legs for a minute to help relax your muscles?” Teaching older kids to give themselves a slow, intentional hand massage with an indulgent lotion can be an excellent introduction to mindfulness practice as well. This is a great mindfulness practice for adults too!

It probably comes as no surprise that children who are massaged from a young age are more likely to accept massage as a teen or young adult as it has become a familiar, comforting practice for them throughout their lives. On the other hand, I will always advocate that it is NEVER too late to add nurturing touch and massage into your interactions with your children. What are you waiting for?

Check out our BECOMING A Mother course! It’s a self-paced, online series to help reduce fear and gain confidence in pregnancy, birth, and early parenting. With recorded video lessons, monthly live chats, and a supportive FaceBook community – it’s everything we wish we would have known before we had our babies! We’d love to see you there!

Kristin & Alyssa

 

Infant Massage Is Only For Babies… Or Is It? Read More »

Mary Rolinski Doula

Meet our new birth doula, Mary!

1) What did you do before you became a doula?
I left my career in marketing to be a full-time mom, and with my young family, I ended up
traveling for a few years to support my husband’s graduate studies in South Bend, Rome, and New York City. Since then, we’ve settled back in West Michigan, which has allowed me to focus on my work as a birth doula.

2) What inspired you to become a doula?
My first birth included a cesarean delivery and breastfeeding complications, and I desperately needed more emotional and physical support than what my healthcare team and family could provide. With a nursing background, I’ve always had a knack for bedside care, and when I was faced with challenges during my first birth, I saw an opportunity to exercise my talents in service to other moms.

3) Tell us about your family.
My husband and I live in Holland with our two young girls and Australian Shepherd. We enjoy playing outdoors, singing and dancing to music, and exploring Holland’s beautiful architecture.

4) What is your favorite vacation spot and why?
Hands down, New York City! I enjoy the many pleasures of Central Park, the aimless strolls, finding pockets of live music, the zoo, discovering hidden playgrounds and so much more! I also find vintage picking very relaxing and love to shop at flea markets in Fort Greene and DUMBO. The best view of Manhattan is from Brooklyn Bridge Park, lying in the grass or riding on Jane’s Carousel.

5) Name your top five bands/musicians and tell us what you love about them.
Jenny Lewis – Her casual lyrics and indie vibe always bring me back to So-Cal.
Adele – Undeniable voice.
Death Cab for Cutie – Soundtrack of my early 20’s.
Taylor Swift – I’ve followed her career from the very beginning and admire her for being herself. My daughter and I love to sing and dance to “Shake it off”.
Ryan Adams – My husband and I listen to DRA together. Some of our favorites include When the Stars Go Blue, Typecast, and his cover of T. Swift’s album 1989.

One last note on music… Our 4-year-old is named after Ben Folds’ song, Emaline, and our baby’s middle name comes from Magnolia Electric Company’s album, Josephine.

6) What is the best advice you have given to new families?
Gather your “village” to help you and your family postpartum, assigning household chores, pet care, and meal preparation to friends and family. As humans, this is how were meant to deal with the early days of child rearing. Using an online platform like CareCalendar keeps everyone involved, organized and updated with open tasks, all on your family’s timing. If more help is needed, consider hiring a postpartum doula.

7) What do you consider your doula superpower to be?
As a former practicing nurse, nurturing bedside manner has been my forte. I have a talent for anticipating a mother’s needs during childbirth and in the immediate postpartum period, always prepared to communicate her needs respectfully to the healthcare team.

8) What is your favorite food?
I really enjoy a healthy diet, but I have a weakness for FRIES!!! Steak fries, sweet potato fries, crinkle fries, curly fries, and smiley fries, remember those?

9) What is your favorite place in West Michigan’s Gold Coast? 
My hometown, Holland! I absolutely love Holland’s beaches, hiking, the farmer’s market, and enjoying meals outdoors.

10) What are you reading now?
Baby-Led Weaning: The Essential Guide to Introducing Solid Foods and Helping Your Baby to Grow Up a Happy and Confident Eater, by Rapley and Murkett.
This Isn’t What I Expected: Overcoming Postpartum Depression, by Kleiman and Raskin.

11) Who are your role models?
My husband, Nick. After the birth of our first daughter, he realized his true calling and returned to grad school to study architecture. As a new father with new responsibilities, he juggled (or at least tried to juggle) school, family, and part-time jobs, pressing on to join the profession that he loves. Nick wanted to lead by example, showing our children the importance of careful career discernment. Without his courage to change careers, I wouldn’t have found my own path of self-discovery, pursuing work as a birth doula and lactation consultant.

Renowned midwife, Ina May Gaskin. Reading her book, Ina May’s Guide to Natural Childbirth
​restored my faith in what a woman’s body is capable of during childbirth. It’s a must read for all pregnant mothers who desire a natural birth or just want to learn more about the birthing process and how to avoid unnecessary medical interventions often performed in today’s maternity care.

 

Meet our new birth doula, Mary! Read More »

cesarean birth

Podcast Episode #21: Supporting a Cesarean Birth

April is C-section Awareness Month!  On this episode of Ask the Doulas, Alyssa and Ashley talk about how birth doulas provide support during a Cesarean section delivery.  You can listen to the full podcast episode on iTunes or Soundcloud.

 

Alyssa:  Hi, welcome to Ask the Doulas with Gold Coast Doulas.  I am Alyssa, co-owner and postpartum doula, and we have Ashley Forton with us again today.

Ashley:  Hi.

Alyssa:  And today the question is, how does a birth doula support my Cesarean birth?  And I think that’s a really good question because everyone thinks of a doula’s support during a normal – I don’t want to say normal, but the typical vaginal delivery.  And what if someone has a planned C-section, or what if they want a vaginal delivery and end up with Cesarean birth?  In their mind, they’re saying, “I had all these ideas about what you do; I paid this money, and now I’m having surgery.”  How do you support that?

Ashley:  Yeah!  So, plans change; birth is unpredictable.  Sometimes we do have clients that have a planned Cesarean and still see the value in our support.  So we can talk about it two different ways.  When you have a planned Cesarean, whenever you hire us during your pregnancy, we’re still there for emotional and informational support throughout the pregnancy, so that can be really valuable.  We can also help you come up with a birth preferences or a birth plan for your Cesarean.

Alyssa:  What does that look like?

Ashley:  When most people think of a birth plan, they think of a labor and vaginal birth, but it still applies to a Cesarean.  You still have choices, and you can still kind of customize your experience.  So we always talk about a birth plan being a starting point for a conversation with your provider, but you can certainly talk to your provider about, is a pass-through drape an option?  Or even a see-through drape?  Is there a clear drape so that I can see my baby emerging, if that’s something that you’re interested in?  Letting them know if you want to have skin-to-skin contact with your baby right away; is that possible?  Have that conversation.  Talking about, hey, can I pick the music that’s playing in the room?  I’ve got this song in my head that I really wanted to play when my baby is born.  Hey, I want to read this poem to my baby as soon as my baby’s born.  You can still do a lot of these personal things.  Talk to the provider about who you’d like to have in the room.  As doulas, sometimes we’re allowed in the OR; sometimes we’re not.  But letting your preferences be known and saying, he, I have a birth doula, and I’d really like them to be in the OR with me.  Have that conversation with your provider.  As a birth doulas, I have been in the OR, but I haven’t been in every single time.  So it’s always worth asking and having that conversation.  So you can talk about who is in that OR with you; you can talk about what happens immediately afterwards.  Hey, I’d like my birth doula in the recovery room with me.  You can talk about all these different preferences when you have it planned ahead of time.  It’s kind of nice to come up with a game plan before going in, whereas when you’re having a physiological birth, you’re going in for a vaginal birth, and then plans change.  Something happens with you; something happens with baby, or you change your mind, and you go in for Cesarean.  Sometimes you don’t have that time to plan ahead and say, hey, this is how I wanted my Cesarean to go.  So sometimes, it’s nice to have that birth plan already written up just in case.  And the way that we support – so let’s say we’re having a planned Cesarean and the birth doula is not allowed in the OR.

Alyssa:  Who is that up to, normally?

Ashley:  That’s up to the anesthesiologist at the hospital, so they make the final call.  So it’s usually a good idea to ask your OB, let them know if that’s something that you want, and then when you see the anesthesiologist, make sure you talk to them about it because they get the final say at most hospitals.

Alyssa:  And I think it’s huge to at least ask because I say the same thing to clients who wonder if their insurance covers this.  The more we ask, the more they keep hearing this word doula, it will maybe someday be covered by insurance, and it will maybe someday be a norm to have a doula in the OR.  So ask!  Keep mentioning it!

Ashley:  Absolutely.  Because you are the consumer; you’re a customer.  You are a paying customer, and we know that customer’s voices are important.  Hospitals pay attention to those surveys.  We know that.  So make sure that you make your desires known, and if it’s not an option, let them know in the survey.  “Hey, this is something I wanted; it wasn’t an option for me.”

Alyssa:  So if you’re not allowed in, what happens?

Ashley:  So what happens if we’re not allowed in is we go to the hospital with you the morning of.  I’ve had some really fun times hanging out with clients ahead of their Cesarean, you know, just having fun, telling jokes, making sure they’re comfortable and feeling good about what’s happening; making sure they feel safe and secure and being there for any emotional needs that they may have during that time, and then when they go back for their Cesarean, I’m in the waiting room.  So I’m there the whole time, and whenever possible, I go back into the recovery room as soon as they’re out of surgery.  So what that looks like just depends on the hospital and what their policy is, but if I can go back into recovery, then Dad is there to support the mom, as well, and I’m there to help with breastfeeding, if they want to breastfeed; to see how they’re doing physically and emotionally; how do you feel right now, after that?  And spend some time with them there.  If I’m not allowed in recovery, then I meet them up in their room.  As soon as they’re settled in their room, we still have that few hours of time together to process things emotionally and talk about how you’re feeling physically.  Is there anything that I can get for you right now?  Can I go get you some extra water?  Something simple like that, but most of the time it’s more emotional; helping them process what’s going on; asking questions about breastfeeding.  As birth doulas, we are trained to support breastfeeding, so we want to make sure that you get a good comfortable latch the first time.  If there’s something tricky going on, we’ll help you get set up with a lactation consultant and make sure that you make that connection.  We’ll get you the resources that you need.  If all of a sudden there’s a medical concern for you or baby, we’ll make sure that you’ve got the information that you want or need.  If it’s out of our scope, if it’s clinical or medical, we’re going to make sure that you know who to talk to.  Hey, talk to your OB; talk to your pediatrician.  Let’s ask your nurse.  We’ll make sure that you’ve got the connections that you need, and if all of a sudden, you’re thinking, shoot, I really feel like I’m going to need some help at home, we can talk to you about how postpartum doulas are an option; let’s talk about that.  Is that something that might be helpful?  So whatever your emotional and physical needs are, we try to address those, and then we still come do a postpartum visit when you’re home and address all those same things again; spend some time together and see how you’re doing because in a week or ten days, a lot changes when you’re home, especially after a Cesarean; you’ve got a lot of healing to do, and we want to make sure that that’s all going smoothly and that you have what you need.

Alyssa:  Thank you for that.  If anyone has further questions about how a birth doula can support either a vaginal delivery or your Cesarean, email us at info@goldcoastdoulas.com.  Remember, these moments are golden.  Thanks, Ashley.

Ashley:  You’re welcome!

Podcast Episode #21: Supporting a Cesarean Birth Read More »

postpartum anxiety

Podcast Episode #20: Lisa’s Story about Postpartum Anxiety

On this episode of Ask the Doulas, Lisa shares about her postpartum experience of dealing with anxiety and how doula support helped her through that challenging time.  You can listen to the complete podcast on iTunes and Soundcloud.  Please also visit our postpartum depression and anxiety resource list

Alyssa:  Hi, welcome back to Ask the Doulas with Gold Coast Doulas.  I am Alyssa, co-owner and postpartum doula.  And we’re talking to a client of mine, Lisa, again.  We’ve talked to her so far about her fertility struggles, dealing with a five-week early C-section, having a baby in NICU for eight days, bringing him home, and then moving from Seattle to Grand Rapids when he was four months old.  Today we’re going to talk about how all that plays into your overall mental well-being as a first-time mom.  All this happens; you have a baby; you’re already – you have so many fears anyway.

Lisa:  And questions.

Alyssa:  Yeah, fears and questions.

Lisa:  And there’s a spectrum of answers to any one question that you have, and so then you have to muddle through.

Alyssa:  The answer is which one is right for you.  That’s what I tell my clients.  There are so many answers, but which one makes most sense to you and your family and your baby?  So you moved to Grand Rapids; your baby’s four months old; you find me; you have a doula.  When you first moved here, what kind of mindset were you in?

Lisa:  That’s a good question.  Well, I was still really postpartum.  You know, I was still basically in the fourth trimester, so I was very hormonal still, and I think that the month prior was so focused on, okay, what do we need to do to get ready to move?  Once I got here, it was kind of a little bit of an exhale or maybe a collapse.  You know, like you’re collapsing into this new environment.  And then two things I think came up for me during this time.  So right when we moved, our son was – for the week or two prior, and for the first five days that we got here, he was actually sleeping through the night, which was the only time in his life that he’s done that.  And then, I think, five days after we moved here, he started waking up every hour throughout the night, and he was also not a good sleeper during the day, and so I was just really not getting any sleep.  And then I think for whatever reason, maybe I was out of that fourth trimester or whatever, but I think all of the trauma of the fertility, the pregnancy, the emergency C-section, and then actually having a preemie baby, that started unraveling for me.

Alyssa:  You actually had the time and space to think about it?

Lisa:  Yeah, it kind of started – I think the whole time I was just like, what’s the next step I need to take?  You’re basically just focused on moving forward, vs. really processing anything that’s happening to you during that period because if you stop to actually absorb what’s happening, it’s just emotionally overwhelming because there’s just so much wrapped up into it, for me, at least, into what was happening.  And I think I just got – I was very anxious about the fact that I don’t know anybody.  I don’t know anybody here.  I don’t know who to trust.  I have found a postpartum doula, but I’ve never met you.  I literally have never met you in my life, and I also don’t have any friends.  And I’m 39, and so I feel like, oh, my gosh, I didn’t realize I kind of need to date for friends again in my life.

Alyssa:  That reminds me of one of our phone calls when you were still in Seattle before you moved here.  You had said, “I’m a 39-year-old mom.  I know West Michigan is a lot of young parents.  Am I going to be the only 39-year-old mom at the playground?!”  And I was like, no!

Lisa:  Because in Seattle, all of my friends were older moms.  They’re career women; they’re established.  Children did not come first in their chronological life events, and so I thought, oh, no.  I am going to be the oldie.  I am going to be the old, wrinkled mom.

Alyssa:  And I think I remember telling you that yes, there are a lot of young, young families, but there are also a growing number of families who are waiting, myself being one of them, and my business partner as well, so I think – hopefully I eased your mind.

Lisa:  And I for sure found that to be true.

Alyssa:  You find your village, you know.  You find the people you’re looking for, and the ones you’re not seeking out, they don’t even really cross your radar, I feel like.  So I also remember at one point when we were working together, you telling me – when you finally got to that point where you’re like, okay, I actually have time to process this whole journey.   And you had even talked about how through your pregnancy, not feeling like you were able to enjoy it because there was all this stuff going on.

Lisa:  No, it was like every day – it was like this might sound too graphic, but I was like, how do I keep the baby in?  What do I need to do today to keep the baby inside me and growing?  And that was the focus.

Alyssa:  Yeah.  So you didn’t ever have this time to just love being pregnant and enjoy.

Lisa:  No, I was on pelvic rest.  It was just different.  It was very different.

Alyssa:  I remember you almost mourning that, mourning the fact that you felt like you didn’t – you missed out on something.

Lisa:  Yeah, I’m so glad that you brought that up.  I did, you know.  It’s the idea of just being able to make love with your husband and then you’re pregnant.  That’s what, literally, I thought.  That’s what I expected, and then that whole process was so different.  I just wanted to have a homebirth in a tub.  That’s the route that I wanted to go, and then being in antepartum in a hospital for five weeks, and then going through an emergency C-section where I didn’t even get to experience what it is like to have a contraction – you know, I felt like that was robbed from me.  And then I had this kind of indescribable feeling where once my son was born, then it was like – I can describe it best by saying that I was trying to grab a baby through sand, and the sand was just coming through my fingers.  It was like my body felt like it had “lost the baby.”  And I think that’s because – there’s probably some internal knowledge that a woman’s body has that it knows that it should carry a child for X amount of time, and mine was cut short.  And the only thing that made me feel okay is I would just put Ethan, my son, in a carrier, and just have him close to me.  Literally, body to body.  And then I didn’t have that sense of loss.  I did not expect that.  Nobody mentioned that.  That wasn’t in any books.  I just didn’t expect that.  So I was dealing with that; I think that was one of the first emotions that kind of started coming out after I moved here.

Alyssa:  How long do you think you felt that feeling of, I have to have him close to me or I feel panic?

Lisa:  Oh, I would say at least for the first six months.  It was not a short period of time.

Alyssa:  So do you remember when I told you that the first probably three or four times I saw you, I didn’t even try to take him from you?  I could sense that feeling of panic in you.

Lisa:  You recently told me that again, and for the life of me, I cannot remember that.  That doesn’t even register.  I don’t remember that.  And that kind of gives you a clue as to mentally where I was at that time.

Alyssa:  Well, like you explained it, it’s like trudging through molasses every day.  Even throughout pregnancy, you were in the mindset of, what do I have to do today to keep this baby growing inside of me?  And then once you have this baby, it was okay, how do I get through this day, that I can breastfeed my baby and try to get an hour of sleep here and there?  And it doesn’t work.  An hour of sleep at a time just doesn’t work, so you were kind of in this fog, and then also mentally, finally, able to process everything your body’s been through the past year and really kind of mourn all these things.  And yeah, I could sense the panic in you with Ethan.  But if you look at from where you started when I first met you to when I left –

Lisa:  Yeah, I was like, wait, what day is Alyssa coming back?

Alyssa:  You would; you would text and say are you coming today or tomorrow?  It is 12 or 2?  You know, you were just in a place –

Lisa:  I could not remember details like that, either.  And you’re like, well, no.  Three days from now.  I’m like, oh, no!  I’m in trouble this week!  I do remember – I think the first thing I went and did by myself in Grand Rapids once I got here is I remember you taking Ethan and saying no, you actually have to get outside of the house.  And I think I went to Gaslight, which is less than a mile away from my house, and I think I got a pedicure or coffee, I don’t know.  Something like that, that took half an hour or something, and then I was back.  But I felt like, oh, gosh.  That was a breath of fresh air.  I didn’t have a crying baby in the back, because he didn’t particularly like the car seat.  Yeah, and I guess I just – I’m so thankful for you because I feel like you not only were looking out for my son, who was my number one priority, but you were also looking out for me, which I wasn’t really able to.  You know, and I’m home alone, all by myself all day, in a new place.  I was a stranger in a strange land, and I just needed help.  Moms need help in places that they don’t even necessarily know that they need help.

Alyssa:  Well, and that’s the thing, I think, with postpartum support.  We are there to help you care for the newborn, and it’s not that we won’t, but we’re there to really care for you because it’s just that we don’t think we need help or we maybe don’t know we need as much help as we really do.

Lisa:  I was just trying really hard to do it all and kind of get it right, whatever that meant.

Alyssa:  Right.  Do we ever get it right all the time?  No.

Lisa:  No.  On a brain that hasn’t seen more than an hour of sleep in weeks, you know, it just doesn’t work, or wasn’t working for me very well.  I was trying really hard, but it wasn’t working.

Alyssa:  Well, I think your family is lovely, and you’re doing a great job.  You always did a great job, even on lack of sleep.  You did the best you could, and Ethan is wonderful.  Is there anything else you want to tell people about dealing with anxiety and about postpartum support?

Lisa:  Yeah, there was this great documentary event a couple months back.  It was held – I think Gold Coast Doulas was one of the sponsors.

Alyssa:  When the Bough Breaks?

Lisa:  Yeah, and it’s a documentary about women with postpartum depression, and it wasn’t until I actually watched that movie that I understood what postpartum depression actually is and that it is a spectrum of an emotional state that can be anywhere from low anxiety to psychosis.  And I literally thought – because I think what you hear in the news about postpartum depression is more the psychosis stories, and I thought, well, I’m not having hallucinations, or I don’t want to harm my child or anything like that, so I’m “fine.”  But once I watched the documentary, I realized I was definitely on the spectrum of high anxiety with a newborn and even infant.  I would say for sure for the first eleven months.  And I would just say again, find somebody who knows that they’re talking about, who’s thought of as kind of best in their field.  A postpartum doulas would be a great example.   Talk to somebody and get support.  Don’t sit there in your living room and panic and worry.

Alyssa:  Don’t just try to deal with it yourself.

Lisa:  Yeah, don’t just try to deal with it yourself because I think I did, and if I would have reached out more, like if I would have been more forthcoming with you earlier about it, I think it would have helped me a lot.

Alyssa:  Maybe wouldn’t have lasted eleven months.

Lisa:  Yeah, because I think I waited until maybe month nine to really talk to you about it.  I was like, “Alyssa, I just – I’m kind of feeling these things.  Do you think I have postpartum depression?” And that’s a long time.

Alyssa:  Talking about it is hard, though.  And even with your partner or spouse, it’s sometimes hard.

Lisa:  Well, and it’s sometimes fleeting, too.  It’s not like every day you feel bad, but it’s sometimes in the morning you feel bad; sometimes in the afternoon you feel bad, or you feel particularly overwhelmed by this new developmental stage that your baby is going through.  You know, just get – just talk to other good women.  Get support.

Alyssa:  Talking about it is the first step.

Lisa:  For sure.

Alyssa:  I’ll list some resources for postpartum depression, anxiety, and psychosis on our website, and we have some on our Facebook page, as well.  Thank you so much for talking to us.

Lisa:  Thank you.

Podcast Episode #20: Lisa’s Story about Postpartum Anxiety Read More »